WHY THE SEX SCENES IN BREAKING WOULD BE SO HOT AND REALISTIC!!!

SHOOTING “INCIDENTS:”

(SEX SCENE: PILLOW-BITING/FEATHER)

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Rob: “So, in order to break the headboard, I have to really pound on Kristen, like really hard, while holding on to it.”

Bill: “NO!!!”

Kristen: “YES!!!”

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Bill:  “Cut!” *Looks at Rob*  “Rob... You don’t… You don’t… You don’t do that!”

Rob: *Looks innocently at Bill* “Don’t do what, Bill?”

Bill: “You… You don’t go under the sheet, then slide down… I mean… It’s obvious what you’re doing.  We can see your head going down THERE!”

Rob:  “But this is a love scene... Our honeymoon! We’re having sex the first time!  Foreplay is a must!”

Bill:  *Sighs* In real life, yes!  But again, Rob… This is not your honeymoon.  This is not real.  We’re shooting a scene. And again… please… let’s stick to the script!”

Rob: *Confused* “This is not real?”

Bill: “NO!”

Rob: *Narrows eyes* “Really? Now tell me this!  Why, then, am I sporting a fuckin’ hard on?!?”

Bill:  “WHAT?!?” *Eyes grow big* “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR MODESTY PATCH?”

Kristen:  “I can answer that!”

Bill:  *Hands on Hips* “Well?”

Kristen: “It gets in the way!”

Bill: “That's exactly what it’s supposed to do!  So where is it!”

Kristen:  “It’s gone!”

Bill:  *Shakes head* “Then what has been preventing Rob to, um… you know…" *Blushes*  "... to 'make contact' these past couple of hours!”

Rob: *Grins widely*

Kristen: *Giggles*

Bill: “OH, MY GOD!!!”

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Bill: "NOW BITE THE PILLOW ROB.... THE PILLOW!!!... NOT KRISTEN!!!! CUT! CUT!"

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BC: “What? What happened to your pasties, Kristen?”

Rob: *Smirks then mumbles* “They’re in my mouth!”

Bill: "Kristen, I know it's hard, but can you not moan Rob's name, please?"

Rob: "AND WHY NOT?"  

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Bill: "Rob, the feathers can't hide what you're trying to do there; so please, let's stick to the script. Hands on the headboard, Rob!"

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Rob: "OK, Bill...Now that we shot how Edward & Bella consummate their marriage; can we, like, shoot how Kristen & I do ours, please?"

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SM: “Bill, I think the love scene is too hot. We need to tone it down.”

Rob: “OH, HELL NO! We’re not doing any toning down again!!!” *Thinks to self: No more cockblocking, Stephanie!*

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Bill to The Crew: “We’re shooting in the bedroom. Why are you all here?”

Crew: “Rob took the feathers, then, locked us out!”

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Bill: "Kristen. You're supposed to be UNDER Rob. NOT OVER!"

Rob: "That's fine! I like it this way!"

Bill: "UNDER. NOT OVER. NOW!!!"

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Bill: "Rob, let's talk about ur scenes with Tanya!"

Kristen: "Why? The Volturi killed her!"

Bill: "That wasn't her, Kristen."

Kristen: “IT WAS HER!"

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