Twilight "Zone" - The Shipper & The Nonnie

What if a Nonnie and a Shipper have a 

decent conversation…  

Let’s find out…
(This is fiction.)

____________________________________

Shipper:  “OMG! Rob and Kristen are living together in London!”

Nonnie:  “Oh, you mean the house that the girl who played Bella is renting?”

Shipper:  “That’s their place!  That's their love nest in London!”

Nonnie:  “First of all, the house has two bedrooms, or more.  Rob is being a good friend… you know, thanking that girl for insisting to the lady director of Twilight that Rob was the perfect Edward… So, like, since he’s in London and she’s alone, he’s going to keep her company while she’s shooting that Cinderella movie.  They don’t sleep together, you know.”

Shipper:  “Are you blind?

Nonnie:  “If I am, then you are delusional.”

Shipper:  *Shakes head*  “And besides, it’s not Cinderella.  It’s Snow White.  And her name is KRISTEN!  Kristen Stewart…”  *grins*  “Soon to be Pattinson.”

Nonnie:  *Rolls eyes*  “Please.  The girl sleeps downstairs and Rob upstairs.”

Shipper:  “Oh, you mean, like, he's on top?!”

Nonnie:  “Shut up!  They’re not together. It’s obvious!”

Shipper:  “What is obvious to you?  I mean, pretty much the picture paints a thousand words! They came home.  TOGETHER. Hand in hand.”

Nonnie:  “That's for the papz' benefit.  You know, promo for the movie; which, by the way, is currently in the movie theaters.  Truth is... He hates her!  I saw a picture of her clinging to him and he pushed her.”

Shipper:  “Girl, he was trying to protect her!"

Nonnie:  "Nah.  I don't buy that.  Clearly, he was pushing her away; probably sick of her."

Shipper:  "Oh, he hates her so he spends time with her whenever he can?  That he'd rather live with her?  I don’t get your aversion to the truth?  The guy is obviously very much in love with her.  THEY ARE IN LOVE!”

Nonnie:  “He's taking care of her, and all that jazz.. yada, yada, yada...because her English boyfriend is a friend of Rob.”

Shipper:  “Who?  Tom?”

Nonnie:  “Nope.  Marcus.  She was in his music video.  He was singing to her.  This Marcus dude is probably broken coz his best mate made out with his girlfriend in the vampire movies.”

Shipper:  “Um.  In case you didn’t hear, Rob and Kristen were lovey-dovey at Marcus’ concert.”

Nonnie:  “Oh, I heard.  And Kristen yelled, “Marcus, don’t stop.””

Shipper:  “While Rob, HER HUBBY, was holding her close to him, FYI!  And besides, she meant his singing.  And why would Rob kiss her, embrace her, whisper to her… act very husbandy if he’s not Kristen’s man?”

Nonnie:  “They’re actors. And there’s one more Twilight movie coming out.  It’s PR!”

Shipper:  “Damn.  You and your PRs.”  *Raises eyebrow*  “You know… there are rumors that she could be carrying the golden child.”

Nonnie:  *Shrugs shoulders*  “Could be Taylor Lautner's.”

Shipper:  “You’re crazy.  I thought you said she’s Marcus’ girlfriend.”

 

Nonnie:  “I didn’t say that.”

Shipper:  “Yes you did!  Jeez, you’re infuriating.”

Nonnie:  “Not me.  You.  And besides, if something is baking in her oven, it’s Immaculate Conception.”

Shipper:  *Laughs*  “The second coming, you mean? Oh, she did come alright… Her hubby, RPattz, is a good thruster!  She came the first time... the second time... She owns him!”

Nonnie:  *Agitated*  “Take that back!  She doesn’t own RPattz!”

Shipper:  *Laughs*  “Oh, yes, she does!”

Nonnie:  “Get your fucking facts right, Shipper.”

Shipper:  “Oh, I do.”

Nonnie:  “You’re lying.  Sleeping Beauty is not going out with Rob Pattinson.  He’s single! He's free!”

Shipper:  “You’re right.”

Nonnie:  *Calms down*

Shipper:  “Sleeping Beauty isn’t going out with Rob.  Snow White is!”

Nonnie:  “Damn you to hell and back.”

Shipper:  “Listen… They live under one roof in London.  She arrived home holding hands with RPattz… They’re always together… They act very couply.  He acknowledges that he has a girlfriend who couldn’t make it to Berlin… She said that her boyfriend is English…”

Nonnie: “All lies!  It’s PR”

Shipper:  “I know!”

Nonnie:  “You agree with me?”

Shipper:  “Absoulutely!  PR… Pure Romance!  They are so sweet!  So in love.  So together... They're going to get married, have kids... grow old together... they're going to love each other faithfully FOREVER...ver...ver...ver”

Nonnie:  “Fuck you.”

Shipper:  *Guffaws!*

FOREVER & EVER...

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