Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Dear Diary,

*Sigh* Yup, it’s me again. Jella.  I think I need to vent that’s why I’m with you right now, dear diary.  Just so you know I’m not home at the moment.  I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.  It all depends.  Well, I guess you want to know what happened, right?  Wonder no more, pen and paper!  I’m as anxious as you are.

Let's see…

That’s right..  I'll start when my Mommy came home.

...To my delight, Mommy came home a few days ago.  I was so excited and I jumped as high as I could into her arms.  She hugged me and carried me in her arms.  But she looked around the house and said in a sad voice, “Baby, I'm home.  I wish you were here.”

I know Mommy didn’t mean me.  That’s, like, obvious.  My heart, however, did go out to Mommy.  Her eyes were sad and she was in tears.  Mommy hugged me tighter and whispered, “I miss my Baby.”  Again, Mommy didn’t mean me.  Even I-- a cat -- knew that! D-U-H!  Like me, she was missing Daddy so badly.

Mommy made herself busy and she was taking a shower when her phone rang at around 5:00 pm.  I think that's about 1am where my Daddy was at that time... in London, England... visiting my Grandpa and Grandma, my Auntie Vicky and Liz, and Nana. 

Tee-Hee... London.  That's where Daddy planned to bring me next time... you know... to visit the Queen... to frighten the litle mouse under her chair...  Fine!  It's NOT funny!  That's what my Mommy told my Daddy anyway... But nevertheless... Daddy laughed at his own joke.

Anyhoo-- As soon as her phone rang, my Mommy flew; moved faster than a Bugatti Veyron.  Ha! I didn’t know Mommy could move, hop, and run that fast!  Only wrapped in a white towel, she made it before the 2nd ring!  Fascinating! 

“Baby, I’ll put you on speaker coz I’m dripping wet.  I just got out from the shower.”  I suddenly see the light in Mommy’s eyes.  She was even doing little hops; a smile tugging her lips.

I heard Daddy groan.  I’m still not sure why.  Was he not happy to talk to Mommy?  Well, whatever the reason why Daddy was groaning was making my Mommy giddy.  So I guess that's okay.  It's probably a British thing.

Daddy cleared his throat.  "“Hey, baby.  How was your flight?”  Daddy asked in a tone he uses exclusively for Mommy.  I know this because I’ve been living with them for a while now and I’m quite an observant cat, you know.

“Fucking boring,” Mommy’s always honest with Daddy.  “I miss you so much,” Mommy added, hugging herself.

Then, they were quiet.  I waited and waited.  Suddenly, I saw the tears in Mommy’s eyes.  I guess Daddy had the sniffles coz he had to blow his nose.  I heard him loud and clear.  Poor Daddy!  I bet he missed Mommy because she takes care of him when he's sniffle-y and all. 

You know, dear diary, when Daddy doesn't feel good, Mommy really, really takes care of him.  In fact, Mommy even wears that white, tight, and short nurse uniform, complete with a nurse cap.  She always… always makes Daddy feel better.

“I love you,” Daddy said, as if wanting to touch Mommy.  Which, by the way, was stupid coz you can only listen on the phone; you can’t touch the person you’re talking to.  I KNOW COZ I'VE TRIED!  My paws just wouldn’t go through the little holes in the phone receiver!!!  It was frustrating, I tell you. 

After 38 “I LOVE YOUs,” 40 “I MISS YOUs”, and almost two hours later, and another set of “I LOVE YOUs,” and “I MISS YOUs”, …Mommy and Daddy hang up.

… And Mommy finally finished her shower.

“Let’s get Daddy home, Jella!”  Mommy exclaimed pulling some clothes from her closet.  I stared at Mommy as she pulled some-- well, she pulled them from the drawer so they could be clothes-- But… the material was thinner than a tissue paper.  They're shiny and soft.  They're, like, see-throughs but in much softer texter.  They're in different colors:  There’s black, red, white, and  green.  Mommy laid each garment on the bed.  Then, she turned her laptop on.  Her fingers did some tappy-tap-tap; called Daddy… then… voila!  I COULD SEE DADDY IN THE SCREEN! 

“Hi, Jella!”  Daddy waved at me. 


“Awwwww….”  Mommy and Daddy cooed. 

It’s frustrating sometimes when I’m saying something and all that comes from my lips is a repetitive “MEOW….MEOW…MEOW!!!”

So, I just sat on the corner and continued to watch my parents as they exchanged oogly-eyes and love-sick looks, and words spoken only by two people in love.  I smiled.  It makes me happy to know that my parents truly love each other.

“Oh, baby, guess what?”  Mommy asked excitedly a few minutes later, flashing Daddy her naughty smile.

“What, Babe?”  Daddy asked encouragingly, his eyes shining.  Hmm… I wonder if that was the look that Uncle Tom referred to as pussy-whipped look

“I went shopping and I want to show you what I got.  Then, tell me what you think.  Okay?”  Mommy, picked that black piece of cloth fist.  “Give me a sec, babe.”

“I’ll be here,” Daddy said and smiled that crooked smile that always makes Mommy melt.

Two minutes later…

Even I, a cat, had to do a double take.  MOMMY LOOKED AWESOME!  I swear Daddy choked.  Mommy was wearing a thing that those lady actresses wear in the movie that Uncle Tom enjoys watching--- you know, that kind of movie where the story didn’t matter coz, as Uncle Tom said, only the humpin’ is happenin'.  I still don’t get it though.  I mean, I’ve seen Mommy and Daddy do those kinds of humping so I didn’t know what’s so special about those movies. 

If I could talk, dear diary, I’d tell Uncle Tom to just watch Mommy and Daddy do it!  It’s free!  He didn’t have to pay $12.99 per view.

Well, going back to my Mommy.... She even wore a pair of killing-me-softy high heels. 

“So? What do you think, Babe?  Do you like it?”  Mommy put her hands on her hips.

I watched Daddy’s expression on the screen; and I swear he attempted to grab mommy.  We heard a sound, you know, like when you drop something… and Daddy was out of focus for a little bit.  He had to re-position his computer. 

Mommy giggled and even did that hip-swaying dance steps she did in her upcoming movie, "Welcome To The Rileys!"

Daddy's eyes popped!  "Fuck, Baby... you're exquisite!  This is torture," Daddy choked.  “Turn around, Baby,”  Daddy said.  For some reason, his voice sounded funny.  I didn’t know whether he was choking or something.  Maybe something.

“Fuuuuuuuck!!!”  Daddy exclaimed.  “Kristen, your ass is perfection!”

That only encouraged Mommy to wiggle her behind.  She even did a catwalk!

“You liked it?”  Mommy asked as she tried to adjust the string on her hips.

Daddy was beginning to get bored, I guess, coz he couldn’t stay put in his chair.  He was suddenly agitated!  Moving here and there…like something got stuck between his legs!

“I have more!  Wait.  Okay?”  Mommy told Daddy; and he growled. 

Mommy came back with hair up, still wearing those reversed pyramids she called shoes and she was wearing that red underwear-like-outfit… Hmmm… Wasn’t she supposed to be wearing something over that?  But when I growl, my Mommy would say, "That's not nice, Jella!"  But when it's Daddy who growls, freakin' Mommy giggles!  Where's the justice in that? 
Daddy hollered!  Then, moaned.  Then, said some words children aren’t supposed to hear!  I guess he’s using some British lingo again. 

“Damn, baby.  Fuck!!!” Daddy said, reaching out for my Mommy. 

Mommy, touched the screen gently and smiled at Daddy. I thought Daddy was going to cry.  He really missed my Mommy.

“Let me show you the white one, Babe.  I really love that one.”  Mommy left Daddy with his mouth hanging.   I heard Daddy said the F –word again.

“Holy mother of fuuuuk!”  Daddy exclaimed when mommy came back. 

Mommy extended her right foot out to show her long legs.  She posed, turned, ran her hands from her tummy up to those mounds that my Daddy loves to suck.  I think the seamstress forgot to sow the back of the dress and just corrected her error by putting strings on the back.  I got to give it to her though, coz my Mommy looked fucking stunning in it.  Daddy, this time, was in tears. 

“Kristen, why are you doing this to me?”  Daddy asked.

That only made Mommy wiggle her ass some more.  Even raising her hands up as she swayed her shoulders along with her hips; Mommy's eyes never leaving Daddy's.

"Baby, I'm dying here?"  I got concerned and looked up.  Hmm... Daddy was breathing.  He looked fine.  And besides, Mommy didn't panic.  Some people say Daddy is protective of mommy but what they don't know is that Mommy, too, is very protective of Daddy. 

“So you don’t want to see the last one?”  Mommy lifted the green set for Daddy to see.

Daddy was suddenly in pain!!! He was moaning and groaning... growling... and looked like he was in so much pain.  Tummy ache, it seemed, coz I saw him start to rub his tummy… up and down… up and down… But I couldn’t be sure…

OMG!  Mommy forgot to change in the bathroom coz she just stripped right there and then… in front of her laptop for Daddy to see!!!  She even stick-out her butt coz she knew how much Daddy adores her ass! 

Slowly,  as if she was dancing to a slow music, Mommy donned the green item and tied the criss-crossed ribbons … fixed the side of that --- whatever it was my Mommy was wearing. 

Daddy’s tummy ache became worse.  The sound he was making was awful!  I bet he wished Mommy was there to rub his tummy.  Mommy always heals Daddy’s boo-boo.  Mommy’s excellent at rubbing.  I heard Daddy said so one time.

“If you’re here, Baby, I’ll let you take this off of me,” Mommy said in  her husky voice.

Now, why would Mommy wear that only to be taken off by Daddy right after she wears it?  Go figure?  Mommy and Daddy are so confusing…

Hmmm… Awwww… Maybe it’s the same, like, with the actor and the actress in the movie that Uncle Tom watches for $12.99 per view!  I got it, now!

I was confused, though, when I heard mommy hissed, “Are you almost there, baby?”

There, where?  I was lost, dear diary.  Daddy was in the screen, still rubbing his tummy, faster and faster… up and down… then, side to side…. Circular motion… He was almost delirious.  He could have just taken Pepto Bismol or Tums, Rolaids or something.  What he’s doing was only making his tummy hurt more.  Daddy's face was contorted and even his breathing became erratic.

But then again… Maybe mommy was making the pain go away via mental telepathy.  Because Mommy positioned her right foot on top of the table; then focused her attention on Daddy with such intensity; and she, too, start to rub her tummy --- I think --- or her thighs... I couldn't see but Mommy was rubbing her tummy and groin area as well; imitating Daddy's actions and she was making the same sound as Daddy’s.  I couldn’t see Mommy entirely coz I was sitting in the corner… like a good boy-cat with a girl’s name. *I’m rolling my eyes, dear diary!*

After a few minutes of loud screaming and moaning and “OH, BABY’s”  Both Mommy and Daddy seemed to twitch, then they calmed their breathing… then the tummy ache went away. 

Wow!  That was quite intriguing!  Who knew that that’s the best remedy for tummy ache.  Uncle Tom should call my Mommy when he has a tummy ache whenever he watches that movie without a story… only humpin’! 

Well, needless to say… Daddy felt better after that.  Mommy looked very happy.

“I can’t be away from you any more, Baby.  I’M COMING HOME!”


… And Daddy came home as fast as he could!  Mommy must have healed Daddy’s tummy ache so good that he had to come home right away to thank Mommy.

So you see now, dear diary, why I’m not home?  Daddy is back and it’s his turn to heal Mommy’s tummy ache. 

As soon as Daddy arrived, he gave me a hug, then handed me to Uncle Tom.

“Don’t call us.  We’ll call you.”  My very excited Daddy told Uncle Tom.  Then, pushed Uncle Tom (with me in his arms) out the door.

But before we left… I heard Mommy squeal and Daddy saying, “I FUCKING LOVE YOU, KRISTEN.  I MISS YOU, BABY.” 

The last word that Uncle Tom and I heard before we drove off was Mommy and Daddy screaming:


This is only the first day, dear diary… So I don’t know when I’ll be going home.  I hope my Mommy and Daddy are rubbing each other's tummy if they're both having tummy ache.  I hope, too, that the humping and licking and sucking will suffice their hunger.  Mommy cooks, yeah... But Daddy prefers to eat Mommy.  I bet Mommy is excited to taste Daddy as well; especially now that Daddy looks like Santa Clause. I bet my Mommy is super thrilled with that.  Mommy loves, loves, loves Christmas!

Uncle Tom is presently talking to his girl via skype… I think that’s the word. 

He now has a tummy ache….He could call Mommy but Daddy was clear when he told him, "Don't call us.  We'll call you."

Oh, boy!!!  I hope Uncle Tom's girl knows how to heal his tummy ache.

I’ll write to you again, dear diary, the next time I get the chance.

It’s just me, the boy-cat with a girly-cat name,


Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Kristen:  “Baby!  Don’t throw away the receipts.”

Rob:  “Why not?”

Kristen:  “Well, who knows if we can use it as tax deduction… You know, when we file our taxes”

Rob:  “Oh, really?”

Kristen:  “I don’t know.  But it’s better if we keep the receipts, then the accountant can tell us whether or not it’s tax deductible.”

Rob:  “So, what do we have so far?”

Kristen:  “Well, we have our charitable contributions, medical and dental expenses, our properties…”

Rob:  “Wait..Wait… When you said properties...?”

Kristen:  “The house… the duplex…”

Rob:  “Tax shelters?”

Kristen:  “Yes, Babe.  Common tax shelters include rental real estate, natural resource prospecting, film production, and alternate energy sources…Babies…”

Rob:  “We-Wait… What?  What do you mean when you said babies?” *Grins from ear to ear*

Kristen:  *Winks* “Yes, babe.  Babies!  The products of some hot lovin’”

Rob:  *Smiles wider* “Hmmm… So I know of two other things that should be tax shelters or tax deductibles?”  *Gets closer to Kristen*

Kristen:  “Okay?  Humor me! Do we have a lot of that?” *Kisses Rob’s lips*

Rob:  “Hell yeah!  I’m sure we’ll never have to pay taxes again!  Ever!”

Kristen:  “So, tell me… So I could discuss this with the accountant.” *Licks Rob’s lips*

Rob:  If babies are tax shelters… Then, shouldn’t love, too?”

Kristen:  “We do have plenty of that, don’t we?”

Rob:  “Damn right, love!  That should knock off half of our tax payment.”

Kristen:  “And what should knock off the other half?” *Starts to unbutton Rob’s shirt*

Rob:  *Focuses on Kristen* “FUCKIN' HOT SEX!!!  Damn, baby! With the way we’re going, the federal government and the State of California should be paying us tax instead!  We should start charging them!”

Kristen:  *Giggles* “Right! Are you sure we get enough?  We’re always working and we spend time apart…”

Rob:  *Laughs* “Baby! You’re kidding me, right?  I mean… Sure we’re apart every now and then but when we’re together…”

Kristen:   “What?” *Hands start to roam*

Rob:  *Breathes unevenly* “We even forget to eat… Hell!  We even forget to breathe sometimes!  We rock, baby!  We make up for the times we’re apart and more!”

Kristen:  “So, are you complaining?” *Grips something*

Rob:  “Fuck, NO!!!  We should contact the accountant and tell him what we have as tax deductibles!... Wait!  Could Jella be a tax shelter?”

Kristen:  “Hmm… You’re right!  He is our baby… Hell, we do have so many things to include as tax shelters…”  *Continues to grip Rob’s, um, masculinity* “And what are we going to do with our tax return, ha, sweetie?”

Rob:  *Nips Kristen’s skin* “Well, baby… We’ll use it to create more tax shelters!  We’ll buy rental real estates where we’re install solar panels… Establish our own film production… And best of all… We’ll have our alternate energy sources that will be generated by our love… our hands… our bodies… our mouths… which will then produce babies!!!  OUR BABIES, Sweetheart!!! More tax shelters!!!”

Kristen:   *Moans* “Sounds like a plan!”

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Rob, joins his family at his parents’ home for lunch.  He went straight looking for his Nana to give her a hug.  Oh, how he missed her.

He found his Nana in the living room, watching TV.

Rob:  “Nana, I’m here.  I miss you.”  *Bends down kiss to his Nana’s head.”

Nana:  *Scowls* “You! You, spoiled, selfish… utterly inconsiderate young man!”

Rob: *Stunned* “What?”

Nana:  “You’d rather party… drink beer with your mates… rather than make her dream… OUR DREAMS… come to reality.”

Rob:  “Hold on, Nana… What are you talking about?”

Nana:  “And you left her there by herself…” *sighs sadly* …. “She waits for you to make up your mind, hoping you're there for her… You can’t even support her!”

Rob:  “Nana, are we talking about Kristen?”

Nana:  *Shakes head*  “Are we talking about Kristen, he asked!  Who else?  That poor… poor… little darling…”  *Sighs heavily*

Rob:  *Puts arm around Nana’s shoulders* “Nana, let’s start from the beginning.  Please, let me understand what this is all about.”

Nana:  “Oh, Robert!  You have to let her know it’s also what you want!”

Rob:  *Furrows brows*  “Nana, did you just talk to Kristen?”

Nana:  “I don’t have to talk to Kristen to know what’s going on.  All the while I thought it was she who didn’t want it because she’s so young and at the peak of her career.  But hearing her… gladly announcing to the world that she can’t wait…” *Sighs again*


*Rob’s sister joins in, smiling widely.*

Vicky:  “You’re in trouble, aren’t you?”

Rob:  “I am and I don’t know why or how?”


Rob:  “What?”

Vicky:  *Laughs, then whispers to Rob* “She’s been watching a lot of your stuff lately.”

Rob:  “So?”

Vicky:  “She just finished watching Comic Con 2009.”

Rob: “I still don’t get it.”

Vicky:  “I CAN’T WAIT TO GET PREGNANT?  Ring a bell?”

Rob:  *Eyes grow wide*  “Nana, Kristen was just joking!”

Vicky:  “Yup.  Convince her.  She doesn’t believe me when I told her that.”  *Walks away*

*Rob decides to call Kristen.*

Rob:  “Hi, baby… Yup, I’m okay.  Everything’s fine with you?... Mm-Hhm… Yup!... Yeah… Well Nana is here and I need you to tell her something…”

*Nana snatches the phone from Rob*

Nana:  “Kristen, darling… are you alright?.... That’s good to hear… Are you taking good care of yourself?  Yes… Well, sweetheart, I just saw that Comic Con… A-ha...Yes, last year… And you said YOU CAN’T WAIT TO GET PREGNANT…. Aww….. Is that right?  When?  November you said?  Really?  Oh, darling....*

*Fifteen minutes later*

*Nana pointed her index finger at Rob, fuming mad*

Nana:  “YOU GO BACK TO L.A., ASSURE YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT YOU WILL SUPPORT HER… THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BY HER SIDE… DO YOU HEAR ME?...”  *Calms down*  “Now, why don’t you go get something to eat and tell me how you’re doing, my love.” 

*NanaPats Rob’s arm… then smiles.. then starts to sway her hips and starts to dance the Victory dance*

Nana: *Sing-songing*  “I’m going to be a Great Grandma soon…”

*Rob decides to call Kristen again.*

Rob: “Babe, it’s me again.”

Kristen:  “Hi, honey.  So, did you tell Nana the whole story?  Did she like it?”

Rob:  “She was mad at me… then she was happy and dancing… I swear she’s singing that she’s going to be great grandma soon.”

Kristen:  *In stern voice* “Robert Thomas Pattinson, are you cheating on me?”

Rob:  “What the fuck, Kristen?  What kind of a question is that?”

Kristen:  “So, who’s bearing your child?”

Rob:  “You tell me!”

Kristen:  *Sighs* “Baby, I think Nana is confused.  She asked about when I said I can’t wait to get pregnant ... and so I told her that I’m going to get pregnant in November, and then you will not be supportive about the pregnancy… Well, you know how Breaking Dawn carried the story of Edward and Bella… And I told Nana to ask you to tell her the rest…”

Rob:  “Baby, listen to me…”  *SERIOUS VOICE*  “Nana thought that it’s all real.  She somehow missed the part that it’s for Breaking Dawn!”

Kristen:  “Owwwww….”

Rob:  “Damn!”  *Takes deep breaths*  “Well, I guess I have to burst her bubble.”

Kristen:  *In low voice* “Well, we have time…”

Rob:  “B-Baby?”

Kristen:  “It’s just too bad you’re not here….We could practice, you know... Maybe start making a wish come true.”

Rob:  “Fuck!”

Kristen:  *Sighs dramatically* “But you're there and I’m here... in OUR bedroom… Naked… Thinking of you…”  *Makes little sexy sound* …. “Wishing you’re here… touching me…”


Kristen:  *Giggles* “When you’re ready, baby… I’m here waiting…”


Kristen:  *Mutters to herself*  “Oh, shit! I’m in trouble!”

Rob:  “Oh yeah, you are, Baby!  Better believe it!”

Kristen: “Nine fucking months?!”

Rob:  “And we’ll lay off beer and cigarettes!”

Kristen:  “Maybe you should talk to Na—”

Rob:  “Sorry, babe!  IT’S A DONE DEAL!”

*Rob hangs up, then dances with Nana… holds her hand and twirls her around… then sings along with Nana…*

Tuesday, September 21, 2010



Dear Diary,

Young love, some say, is tragic. 


But in any case, whether it’s a love shared by a couple in their teens, 20’s, 40’s, or 60’s, if it lacks commitment, it will eventually die.  But the tragedy lies not in the separation.  It’s more on the time and emotions invested in the relationship.  When it’s over, it’s over.  Yet, the emotions don’t end there.  You can’t un-feel.  Can’t take back time.  Can’t un-love or re-love.  Can’t rewind, pause, or fast forward. 

And here I am…Young and irrevocably in love.  Yes, I may be young, but I’ve already chosen.  I’ve made my decision.  I made peace with myself.  I will only love one man for the rest of my life.  I will be fully committed to this love that brought me so much joy and contentment.  Edward Cullen, the very meaning of my life, is who I’m committing myself and my life to for as long as I live.

Now, don’t get me wrong, dear diary. I’m only human and I, like the rest of humanity, have many flaws.  I make mistakes.  I have my moments. 

I am fully aware that my baby is a very handsome man and every breathing bitch who happens to lay eyes on him wants him.  Hear me out… I keep my cool.  I just bite my lip, lower or upper – it depends on the situation – and just remind myself that my baby chose me.  My baby loves me more than anything.  I am his home as much as he is mine.

There are times when I just can’t let it slip by, you know.  Like that incident in the cafeteria the other day.  I was practically glued to my baby’s lap.  My hands around his neck, his hands around my waist.  We were whispering and just enjoying our bubble when I happened to glance at the sluts’ table and saw fucking double-D midget, Jessica-Fucking-Stanley, eye-fucking my man.  Fucking whore!  Was she fucking blind?  I wanted to stab her eyes with ice-pick, then her over-inflated, rounded mounds next, and make her an example for those whores who make the same mistake!  It was just a thought.  A very good thought at that.  I, like always, just shrugged my shoulders and focused my energy on Edward.

I am neither violent nor vindictive.  However, to the delight of my baby, I release these pent-up emotions when we are alone.  I swear, sometimes I, too, wonder where I get that much stamina from.  I fucking surprise my baby and myself!  I mean, wow!  I didn’t know I can bend, flip, stretch, like that!  Modesty aside, dear diary, those well-trained gymnasts have nothing on me!  And the way I grind?  Ha!  I’ll put every belly dancer to shame!  That’s how committed I am to our relationship.  100% all the way!  Who would have thought, that this shy, quiet girl could put the fucking porno industry to bankruptcy! 

“Don’t fucking stop loving me,” my baby would growl while I do my, um, stunts.  This rather increases my need for him… always.  And boy, the repeat performance always has a standing ovation, against the wall, behind the door, by the window… All night performance. 

Hmm… I wonder why Charlie couldn’t hear us…

Just this morning, Charlie made an attempt to talk to me about the birds and bees...and my flower!  Damn! That’s was awkward.

“Are you and Edward intimate?”  He asked me straight.

“Dad!”  I exclaimed.  “Edward is old school.  I’m still a virgin!”  Liar, liar, pants on fire!  Yup! 

Shut up, conscience!

Then, before he could continue his interrogation, I ran upstairs to my bedroom where my baby was already waiting for me for round…. Um… Jeez, I lost count by then! He and I were amazing! 

We fit.  We connect.  We live for each other.

So you see, dear diary, there’s a place for everything.  I am a saint outside our bed, but I am the sex goddess my baby bows to inside, every fucking time!

Age isn’t how we gauge what relationship would last.  When you are committed... trusting, believing, and being honest come natural… they come easier.

My baby’s waiting… I gotta go… Until next time…




Dear Diary,

Yes.  Young love is fresh and passionate.  But thankfully, my Bella said she’s still a virgin.  Do I believe her?  Absolutely! 

I raised my daughter with integrity.  I mean, I’m the one who locks the doors every night and there’s no way Edward Cullen could get in.  NO WAY!  

When I know that my daughter is safely tucked in her bed, I smile knowing she’s safe, then, doze off. 

Sure, I hear some noise later on, in the middle of the night.  You gotta understand, dear diary, my Bella talks in her sleep.  Sometimes she has nightmares.  So, when she screams and grunts, groans, and moans, I know that it’s just another dream.  After those sounds, she sighs, even giggles… Her nightmare ended to be a good dream.

Sure, there are nights when she’d be hitting the wall or the door, then makes loud stamping on the floor… it’s just her practicing her balance; perfecting her posture.  My Bella is clumsy, but I give her credit for trying to improve herself.  Such a good kid!

Some nights, I hear another sound.  Like someone’s with her.  Like someone’s trying to hold his whimper…  I don’t panic.  Never.  I know that it’s only Bella, watching some horror clips on Youtube.  I let her be because she always wakes up early in the morning anyway.  Her grades are always above average.  I’m so proud of her.

There are moments when I know Bella’s restless.  She takes hot shower at night to calm her down.  I know when the warm water soothes her because I could hear her as she sighs loudly… It relaxes her!  I’m glad.

After her shower, I could hear some soggy, squishy, sound… Like when you rub too much lotion in your palms… I don’t use lotion; but I make a mental note to give a little money to Bella so that she could at least buy the brand of lotion she likes.  She’s my only child, after all.

I have faith in my daughter.  Edward Cullen is a respectful young man.  They are young, yes.  They are in love, yes.  But they don’t flaunt their love in public. No PDAs.  A little kiss here and there… holding hands… simple gesture… much to my liking.  Nothing major.  Edward picks her up in the morning; drops her home in the afternoon… They do their homework together; watch TV after; then at 9PM, Edward goes home.  Bella, then, goes upstairs to her room. 

Hmmm… Hmmm…Hmmm…

Wait a minute.  I just realized something.  Why is Edward’s shirt inside out when I got home?  I came home half an hour earlier today because of this headache.  And why is Bella’s top misbuttoned?  And what were they doing in the laundry room?

Oh yeah! Silly me!  That’s right!  They were playing water balloon in the backyard and they got wet and Bella had to put their clothes in the dryer and it just finished drying when I arrived home.

Hold on a sec, dear diary….

So... When Bella put their clothes in the dryer… this means, they were… N-NAKED!?

Son of a bitch!!!

Hold on dear diary….




Well, I’m back dear diary… I feel bad now.  How could I think that way about my child!  Of course they used towels.  It was unnecessary but Bella did show me the towels.  The, um, white stains were spilled ice cream. 

Bella explained, a little embarrassed, that they stayed in the kitchen, did their homework, ate ice cream… then their clothes finished drying when I got home, and they hastily put their clothes back on... before I get the wrong idea! 

I have to make it up to my daughter, somehow.  Maybe let her go sleepover with Alice this weekend.

Just a second… What?  We don’t have ice cream in the refrigerator! 

Oh, hell!  I’m being paranoid! 

Well, I guess they passed by 7-11 and got those ice cream cups!

My headache is back, dear diary… I need my vitamin R!