CHRISTMAS AT THE PATTINSON’S HOUSEHOLD!

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*This is fiction --- for now... lol *

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Christmas morning…

GrandmaPattz:  “Robby, are you not excited to open your presents from St. Nick?”

Rob, Jr.:  “That’s alright, Gramma.  I know that Santa Clause didn’t bring the presents!”

GrandpaPattz:  “Of course they were brought by Santa while you were asleep last night!”  *Encourages Rob, Jr., to open his presents.*

Rob, Jr.:  “St. Nick is too tiny to carry all these presents, Grampa.”

GrandpaStew:  “Oh, but Santa has magic!”

Rob, Jr.:  *Thinks*  “But… But… Mommy said, he’s tiny!  And Daddy hinted that Santa is a girl!”

GrandmaStew:  “Rob?  Kristen? Why are you confusing Robby.”

Kristen:    “What?  We did no such thing, Mom.”

Rob:  *Turns to his son*  “Son, when did we tell all these things about Santa or Saint Nick?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Well, Daddy… You and mommy didn’t want me to hear so you talked about it in hush voice; like whispering… But I heard it.”

Rob & Kristen:    *Look questioningly at their son*

Tom:  *Smirks*  “This is going to be fun!”  *Claps hands*

Rob, Jr.:  “Remember last night after we decorated the tree, you sent me and T.J. (Thomas James, younger sibling, tee-hee) to sleep?”

Rob:  “And you did.  Mommy and I tucked you into bed, read you a story about Santa…”

Rob, Jr.:  “And fell asleep!”

Kristen:    “Right!”  *Suddenly nervous*

Rob, Jr.:  “I woke up coz I had a bad dream…”

Tom:  “Ooooh… How the plot thickens…. Go on Robby, tell us what happened next!”

Kristen:    “That’s okay, Tom.  I’m going to talk to my son in the kitchen while I make him his favorite hot cocoa.”  *Takes Rob, Jr.’s hand*

Rob, Jr.:  “Mommy…”

Rob:    “Yes, baby?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Why did you ask daddy to let “Little Saint Nick” come last night?  So you could help him bring it the presents?  Coz he’s so little he can’t carry the “load?”  You did say, "Come, Little Saint Nick... Give me your load," right?”

Grandparents:  *Gasp*

Rob:  “Honey, you’re going to take Robby in the kitchen, right?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Oh, and daddy?  Why did you want Santa Baby to hold on to Little Saint Nick?  Aren’t they one and the same?  So is Little Saint Nick a baby?  A girl, maybe?”

Tom:  *Guffaws*

Grandparents:  *Eye husband & wife questioningly*

Kristen:    *Clears throat*  “Oh, uh… I will tell you in the kitchen… Daddy and I will…”  *Turns to Rob*  “Honey? Are you coming?”

Rob:  *Wiggles eyebrows*  “Oh, I did, baby!”

Kristen:  “Shhhh!!!”

Rob, Jr.:  *Stands up and walks with parents*  “Was that why you were gasping last night, mommy?  Ha, daddy?  Because you helped Little Saint Nick carry the presents?  Or should I say Santa Baby?... Oh, and is Little Saint Nick really that tiny, mommy, that you needed to bend down to look at him and speak to him?"  *continues to mumble as he walks with his parents to the kitchen*  “…Well, when I knew Santa was here, I ran back in my bedroom coz I want him to know I’m a good boy… So, did Little Saint Nick come last night, mommy?  Did you carry him in your hand… coz he’s tiny… Did he forget to bring his magic?”

Rob:  “Believe me, Son.  Little Saint Nick is not so tiny and he always brings his magic with him.  ALL THE TIME! Ask mommy!”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yey!”

Rob:    *Whispers to husband*  “Shut up!  You’re not helping!*

---Tee-hee---

Little Rob, Jr., KNOWS RELIGION!!!

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GrandpaStew:  “Did you enjoy your trip abroad, Robby?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yeah.”

GrandmaStew: “Did you like Dubai.”

Rob, Jr.: “Yeah.”

GrandpaPattz:  “They pray five times a day there.”

Rob, Jr.:  *Shrugged shoulders* 

GrandpaStew:  “And how about The Vatican?”

Rob, Jr.:  “It was okay.  The mass was solemn.”

GrandmaPattz:  “And how about Japan?”

Rob, Jr.:  “We visited the Meiji Shrine in Tokyo. People prayed, too.”

Rob:  “We also visited a Buddhist Monastery when we were in Kathmandu.”

Kristen:  “Well, we explained to Robby that religion plays a big role in a lot of cultures around the world.”

Rob, Jr.:  “They’re alright, I guess.”

GrandmaStew:  “So, can you tell us what you’ve learned from your trip, Robby?”

Rob, Jr.:  *Sighed deeply*  “Well, I’ve learned that people DO NOT pray enough.”

***Everyone was amused/flabbergasted***

GrandpaPattz:  “You don’t think so?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yeah, they pray… But… Not enough.”

Kristen:  “But, honey, the religious ones, like the nuns, the priests, the monks… they practically pray the whole day!”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yeah, but…”  *scrunches nose*

Rob:  “Tell us, son.”

Rob, Jr.:  *Shrugs shoulders*  “They’re not really religious.”

Kristen:  “Sure they are.”

Rob, Jr.:  “I know, mommy.  But they’re not as religious as you and dad are.”

Rob:  *Furrows brows*  “What do you mean?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Well, I know that you and mom pray more than everyone else.  You’re very religious.”

GrandpaStew:  *Chuckles, shaking his head*

Rob, Jr.:  “You don’t believe me Grandpa?”

GrandpaStew:  “Oh, boy…”

Rob, Jr.:  “Tell them, mommy!  Tell them, daddy!” 

Kristen & Rob:  “Um… Uh--”  *Quite confused*

GrandmaPattz:  “Why don’t you tell us?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Fine.  Mommy and Daddy pray more.  Every night, I hear them call on God and Jesus.  Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, they’re still praying.  They pray long and loud.”

Kristen:  “Oh, God…”

Rob, Jr.:  “See!  Mommy calls on God!  A lot!  Especially at night.  Mommy yells, “OH, God! Oh, God! Right there!  Godddd!!!”  And Daddy would, then, call out Jesus’ name… Like, “Jesus.. So good!”  And they do pray with feelings, too.  They just don’t kneel.  They also close their eyes; especially mommy.  Mommy loves to kneel.  Ask daddy!”

Rob:  *Clears throat*

Rob, Jr.:  “… Oh, and, like in the morning, when I wake up, they’d still be praying.  My mommy and daddy don't just pray five times!  They pray, like, ten times!"  *spreads ten fingers*  "They pray so long that they get exhausted after… But praying makes them happy though.  Right, mommy?  Daddy?”

GrandmaStew: “Ah, yeah…”  *Clears throat*

Rob, Jr.:  *Remembers something*  “Oh, and when daddy goes to work and he’s out of town, he still prays with mommy… What’s the word again, mommy?  Sk—sca—“

GrandpaPattz:  “Skype!”  *Laughs*

Rob, Jr.:  “Yeah! Skype!  See, my mommy and daddy are better prayers.”  *Turns to Rob and Kristen*  “Oh, maybe mommy is a nun and daddy is a priest!”

Kristen:  *As red as a beet*

Rob:  *Coughs*  “Played that!”  *Coughs*

Kristen:  “Shut up!”

*****Tee-Hee*****

"IT" is Really That Big!!!

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Don't Mess With The Stew!

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This is fiction.

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A New Pet for the Pattinsons!!!

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This is fiction.

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Rob and Rob, Jr. talking on the phone…

Rob, Jr.:  “Daddy, when are you coming home?”

Rob:  “We’re almost done shooting, son.  I’ll be home soon.”

Rob, Jr.:  “We miss you.  A lot, a lot, a lot… Especially mommy.”

Rob:  *Sighs*  “Well, you’re the man of the house while I’m away, so take care of mommy and your little brother.”

Rob, Jr:  *Sullen*  “I know… I think mommy misses you so much she’s getting a new pet.”

Rob:  “A new pet?”

Rob, Jr:  “A-huh.  And I heard her tell Aunt Liz that she’s keeping it in the bedroom.”

Rob:  “What is mommy getting?”  *Intrigued*  “A fish?”

Rob, Jr.:  “No!”

Rob:  “Hamster?”

Rob, Jr.:  *Giggles*  “No, Daddy.”

Rob:  “Do you know what mommy is getting?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yes!  I told you.  I heard her talk to Aunt Liz on the phone this morning.  Mommy said she misses you so much… So she’s getting herself a Rabbit!” 

Rob:  *Chokes*  “A r-rabbit?”

Rob, Jr.:  “And I don’t understand why she has to keep it in the drawer.”

Rob:  “Um…”

Rob, Jr.:  “… And I also heard that the Rabbit will help her sleep… so she won’t worry about you… Coz…Coz, mommy said she can’t sleep at night without you by her side.  I still don’t get how a rabbit can help mommy fall asleep.”

Rob:  “Um, son… Call mommy for me, please.”

Rob, Jr.:  “Mommy!!! Daddy wants to talk to you.  I think he doesn’t want you to get a Rabbit!!!”

---TeeHee---

Thanks For Reading!!!

Rob, Jr., The Musically-Inclined Child of #Robsten

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Rob, Jr.: *Crunches nose*  “Daddy, I’m confused!”

Rob:  “About?”

Rob, Jr.:  “My name.”

Rob:  “Your name?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yeah.” *Serious expression on his face*

Rob:  “Well, your Mommy named you after me.”

Rob, Jr:  “What?  Flippy?”

Rob:  “No!”  *Chukles* “Robert!”

Rob, Jr.:  “So, why did Marian at school called me, Tippy.  It does sound like Flippy to me.”   *Cups face with his palms*

Rob:  “I mean… Well---” *Lost for words*

Rob, Jr.:  “She heard her mommy say that it’s the TIP that made me...”  *Shrugs*  “Made me what?  I do not know.” *Tucks arms*  “Well, whatever that means. Marian doesn’t even know what it means.  But she thinks it’s funny.”  *Sullen face*  “I don’t get it!”

Rob:  “Don’t worry about it, son.”

Rob, Jr.:  “Then, Uncle Tom calls me Trumpet!” *Raises voice*

Rob:  *Clears throat*  “That’s because you’re learning how to play the trumpet.  You’re going to be good at it.  Maybe you will be a famous trumpet player when you grow up.”

Rob, Jr.:  *Smiles*  “Oh, yeah, ha?  Uncle Tom said Mommy plays your trumpet perfectly well!”

Rob:  *Furrows brows*  “H-he said that?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Uh-ha!  Remember you bought mommy a trumpet last Christmas?”

Rob:  *Coughs*  “Oh, that’s right.” *Exhales*

Rob, Jr.:  “So, has mommy been playing your trumpet, Daddy?”

Rob:  *Looks away* “Mmhmm.”  *Nods *

Rob, Jr.:  “Cool!  I haven’t heard Mommy play for a while now…”  *Thinks*  “But, Uncle Tom said Mommy practices blowing your trumpet every night.”

Rob:  “Um, Son… It’s not my trumpet.  It’s mommy’s trumpet now.”

Rob, Jr.:  “But you bought it!”

Rob:  “And gave it to Mommy… As a present.  Remember?  It’s not mine anymore.  Just like when I bought your video games… They’re yours now, right?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Owww… But what if Mommy gives away your trumpet?”

Rob:  “Believe me, Son.  She won’t.  It’s her most precious possession!  She’ll go crazy without it.”  *Smirks smugly*

Rob, Jr.:  “I’ll tell Uncle Tom next time he visits.”

Rob:  “Don’t worry about it.  I’ll talk to him.”

Rob, Jr.:  “Wait, Daddy.  How come Uncle Marcus, when he was here last Sunday, he called me Brokie?”

Rob:  “Brokie?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yes.  He said that when Mommy made that video of his song, I Am Broken, and you were also there… Well, he said that after doing the video, that night, the Stork dropped me at your hotel room’s door.  Then nine months later, I was born.”

Rob:  “Son…”  *Takes son in his arms*  “Your name is Robert, Jr..  It’s a very good name for a boy.  That’s the name that Mommy loves so much, that’s why she picked it when you were born.  It’s our name.  Even Grandma and Grandpa love that name.  A lot of people would love to have that name as theirs.”  *Tickles his son*

Rob, Jr.:  *Giggles*  “Daddy, can I call you Pianie?”

Rob:  “Pianie?”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yes. Pianie.  Coz you’re a good piano player.  I even saw you last night playing the piano with mommy.”

Rob:  *Gulps*  “You s-saw…”

Rob, Jr.:  “Yup!  Maybe you didn’t see mommy.  She was hiding under it… And your eyes were closed.”

Rob:  “Oh! Ah… I did f-find her…”

Rob, Jr.:  “You were humming loudly, too. That’s probably why you didn’t hear mommy.  I heard her slurping a drink… or something.”

Rob:  “I-uh…”

Rob, Jr.:  *Remembers something*  “Oh, and how come when you play the guitar Mommy sits on your lap?”

Rob:  *Yells*  “Kristen!  Baby, come here!”

Rob, Jr.:  *Giggles louder*

 

Twilight "Zone" - The Shipper & The Nonnie

What if a Nonnie and a Shipper have a 

decent conversation…  

Let’s find out…
(This is fiction.)

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Shipper:  “OMG! Rob and Kristen are living together in London!”

Nonnie:  “Oh, you mean the house that the girl who played Bella is renting?”

Shipper:  “That’s their place!  That's their love nest in London!”

Nonnie:  “First of all, the house has two bedrooms, or more.  Rob is being a good friend… you know, thanking that girl for insisting to the lady director of Twilight that Rob was the perfect Edward… So, like, since he’s in London and she’s alone, he’s going to keep her company while she’s shooting that Cinderella movie.  They don’t sleep together, you know.”

Shipper:  “Are you blind?

Nonnie:  “If I am, then you are delusional.”

Shipper:  *Shakes head*  “And besides, it’s not Cinderella.  It’s Snow White.  And her name is KRISTEN!  Kristen Stewart…”  *grins*  “Soon to be Pattinson.”

Nonnie:  *Rolls eyes*  “Please.  The girl sleeps downstairs and Rob upstairs.”

Shipper:  “Oh, you mean, like, he's on top?!”

Nonnie:  “Shut up!  They’re not together. It’s obvious!”

Shipper:  “What is obvious to you?  I mean, pretty much the picture paints a thousand words! They came home.  TOGETHER. Hand in hand.”

Nonnie:  “That's for the papz' benefit.  You know, promo for the movie; which, by the way, is currently in the movie theaters.  Truth is... He hates her!  I saw a picture of her clinging to him and he pushed her.”

Shipper:  “Girl, he was trying to protect her!"

Nonnie:  "Nah.  I don't buy that.  Clearly, he was pushing her away; probably sick of her."

Shipper:  "Oh, he hates her so he spends time with her whenever he can?  That he'd rather live with her?  I don’t get your aversion to the truth?  The guy is obviously very much in love with her.  THEY ARE IN LOVE!”

Nonnie:  “He's taking care of her, and all that jazz.. yada, yada, yada...because her English boyfriend is a friend of Rob.”

Shipper:  “Who?  Tom?”

Nonnie:  “Nope.  Marcus.  She was in his music video.  He was singing to her.  This Marcus dude is probably broken coz his best mate made out with his girlfriend in the vampire movies.”

Shipper:  “Um.  In case you didn’t hear, Rob and Kristen were lovey-dovey at Marcus’ concert.”

Nonnie:  “Oh, I heard.  And Kristen yelled, “Marcus, don’t stop.””

Shipper:  “While Rob, HER HUBBY, was holding her close to him, FYI!  And besides, she meant his singing.  And why would Rob kiss her, embrace her, whisper to her… act very husbandy if he’s not Kristen’s man?”

Nonnie:  “They’re actors. And there’s one more Twilight movie coming out.  It’s PR!”

Shipper:  “Damn.  You and your PRs.”  *Raises eyebrow*  “You know… there are rumors that she could be carrying the golden child.”

Nonnie:  *Shrugs shoulders*  “Could be Taylor Lautner's.”

Shipper:  “You’re crazy.  I thought you said she’s Marcus’ girlfriend.”

 

Nonnie:  “I didn’t say that.”

Shipper:  “Yes you did!  Jeez, you’re infuriating.”

Nonnie:  “Not me.  You.  And besides, if something is baking in her oven, it’s Immaculate Conception.”

Shipper:  *Laughs*  “The second coming, you mean? Oh, she did come alright… Her hubby, RPattz, is a good thruster!  She came the first time... the second time... She owns him!”

Nonnie:  *Agitated*  “Take that back!  She doesn’t own RPattz!”

Shipper:  *Laughs*  “Oh, yes, she does!”

Nonnie:  “Get your fucking facts right, Shipper.”

Shipper:  “Oh, I do.”

Nonnie:  “You’re lying.  Sleeping Beauty is not going out with Rob Pattinson.  He’s single! He's free!”

Shipper:  “You’re right.”

Nonnie:  *Calms down*

Shipper:  “Sleeping Beauty isn’t going out with Rob.  Snow White is!”

Nonnie:  “Damn you to hell and back.”

Shipper:  “Listen… They live under one roof in London.  She arrived home holding hands with RPattz… They’re always together… They act very couply.  He acknowledges that he has a girlfriend who couldn’t make it to Berlin… She said that her boyfriend is English…”

Nonnie: “All lies!  It’s PR”

Shipper:  “I know!”

Nonnie:  “You agree with me?”

Shipper:  “Absoulutely!  PR… Pure Romance!  They are so sweet!  So in love.  So together... They're going to get married, have kids... grow old together... they're going to love each other faithfully FOREVER...ver...ver...ver”

Nonnie:  “Fuck you.”

Shipper:  *Guffaws!*

FOREVER & EVER...

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Kristen's Two Words!!!

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Only Two Words Needed...

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:)

"BAD, MR. STIFFY!!!"

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She is a VERY UNDERSTANDING wifey!!! That's our KS!!!

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TAYLOR, DO NOT DISTURB THE NEWLY WEDS!!!

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ROBSTEN FOR LIFE, BABY!!! :)

Our #Robsten Communicate Quite Well... Even in Public!!!

Hello.  I have not updated this blog for a long time (my apologies); and I'm not sure I still know how to do this.  LOL. But, I'm trying here... Some of you will hate me for this. But, many of you know me so well (my mind always in the gutter, lol--- or like I told my babygirl, @jojo_9030, we're all "respectable pervs!") and know that this is for fun and that I love our Robsten very much... So, enjoy!

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THANK YOU FOR VISITING Robsten For Life Blog!!!

"My Boyfriend is English... Please, make no mistake!"

THIS IS A SPOOF! A FICTION!

(No copyright infringement intended. Thanks.)

What if the interviewer was a Nonsten ?… (Or in denial)…  How would it go?  Hmm… Let’s find out!

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Interviewer:  “So have you visited England’s majestic sites?”

KStew:  “I hope to visit these sites as my boyfriend is English.”

Interviewer:  *Frowns*  “When you said your boyfriend is English, did you mean that he speaks English?”

KStew:  *Dumbfounded*

Interviewer:  “…Or that English is his first language, yes?”

KStew:  “Um…”

Interviewer:  “Or did you mean that he loves anything English… like English muffin, perhaps?”

KStew:  *Furrows brows*

Interviewer:  “Does he like to drink English tea?”

KStew:  “He, uh...” *Shakes head*

Interviewer:  “Oh, don’t be shy.  Does your boyfriend have a name?”

KStew:  *Smiles*  “I’m sure everyone knows who he is. It’s obvious.”

Interviewer:  “Is it Taylor Lautner?”

KStew:  “Are-- Are you kidding me?”

Interviewer:  *Beams*  “So you’re finally admitting that you’re with Taylor Lautner?  The guy who plays Jacob Black in that vampire film.”

KStew:  “Taylor is not English.”

Interviewer:  “His ancestors are! I’m sure.  I’ll research on that.”

KStew:  “No.  He isn’t my boyfriend.  He is a good buddy of mine.  Taylor is also good friends with my English boyfriend.”

Interviewer:  “If Taylor Lautner is not your boyfriend, is he your fiancée?  Husband?”

KStew:  “You’re kidding, right?”

Interviewer:  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I know that you want to keep what’s important to you private but why wouldn’t you admit that you’re with Taylor Lautner.”

KStew:  “Because I’m not.  Again, my boyfriend is English.”

Interviewer:  “Fine!  So, this English boyfriend of yours… did he star in a movie with you?”

KStew:  *Sighs*  “Yes.”

Interviewer:  “Did you just shoot a movie with him?”

KStew:  “Yes.”

Interviewer:  “Why didn’t you say so?  Is it Tom Sturridge?  He’s English!”

KStew:  “Yes.  I’m well aware that Tom is English.  And Yes, I just did a movie with him, “On The Road,”  but, NO, he’s not my boyfriend.  Tom, however, is best friends with my English boyfriend.”

Interviewer:  *Exclaims excitedly*  “Oh, my god!!! Your English boyfriend is Eddie Redmayne!”