24-K, SOLID GOLD!!!

IF YOU ARE THE REAL WIFEY 

OF ROBERT PATTINSON,

PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND 

WITH CONVICTION!!!

******************************************************************************

IF YOU ARE DREAMING, HOPING, IMAGINING, LONGING, 

UM... PRETENDING *COUGH*

TO BE ROBERT PATTINSON'S WIFEY,

PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND!

NOW... NOW...

PLEASE, PUT AWAY THOSE FAKE SMILES 

AND TUCK AWAY THE OBVIOUS HATRED.

DO NOT --- I REPEAT --- DO NOT KILL EACH OTHER WITH FAKE PLEASANTRIES.  

******************************************************************************

IF YOU ARE A "WANNA-BE..."
  IF YOU WANT TO BE FAMOUS...

IF YOU WANT TO USE EVERY CHANNEL--- 
EVERY FUCKING WAY 
TO GET YOUR 15-MINUTE OF FAME---
 WHETHER OR NOT YOU COME FROM

A "PROMINENT" FAMILY --- 
BY USING ROBERT PATTINSON'S POPULARITY

AND BANKABILITY... 
OR HIM, PERIOD...

 OR

IF YOU ARE INTENTIONALLY "HURTING"
OR PLOTTING TO HARM 
THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT...

ESPECIALLY THE ONLY GIRL 
HE TRULY LOVES

AND IS TRULY WITH...

I GIVE YOU THIS... 

AND SHE CAN BE A BITCH!

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

************************

Again, this is fiction. Thanks for reading.

I don't know who released or edited Rob’s & Kristen’s baby-photos

 but @BearBernieTGC twitted it and, I, of course J retwitted it. 

Thank you, @BearBernieTGC.

Photo belongs to its rightful owner. 

No copyright infringement indented.

************************

Rob:	*Exclaims*  “George! That is a very noble name.  Very masculine.”
Kristen:	*Dumbfounded*
Rob:	*Blabbers on*  “According to this book, George is a masculine name derived from Greek word which means tiller or earth worker or a farmer.  See?!  Hardworking.  That’s how my boy is going to be!”
Kristen:	“And it’s okay with you if people will call him Boy George?”
Rob:	?
Kristen:	“Babe?”
Rob:	!
Kristen:	*Smiles smugly*
Rob:	*Throws Kristen a knowing look* “Next!”
Kristen:	“That’s what I thought.”  *Giggles*
Rob:	*Leafs through the pages of the Baby Name book*  “How a about Christopher?  It says here that it’s the most popular name in England…”  *Thinks*  “This is wrong.  I bet there are more Roberts in England--- So, Honey?  What do you think?  We can put Jaymes as his middle name.  Christopher Jaymes Pattinson!”  *Smiles sweetly, sensing victory*
Kristen:	“C.J. for short?” *Raises eyebrow*
Rob:	“Yeah---Noooooooo!!!” *Scratches head and mumbles*  “My son will never be called CJ!”
Kristen:	*Laughs*  “I think I like it!  Christopher Jaymes.  CJ for short.”
Rob:	“Shut up.”  *Goes back to reading the baby name book.
Kristen:	“How about a girl’s name?”
Rob:	“For my son?!?  No fucking way!”
Kristen:	*Slaps Rob’s tummy*  “The fuck, Rob?  I meant finding a girl’s name in case we’re having a girl.”
Rob:	*Fist pumps*  “Now we’re even”  *Mumbles* “Boy George… CJ…”
Kristen:	“How about John? Or Richard.  Either my dad’s name or yours.  Maybe both.  What do you think, babe?”
Rob:	“For a girl’s name?!  Kristen, I love you but I’m going to fight you with this.  We’re not naming our daughter John no matter how much we love your dad.
Kristen:	*Guffaws*  “I meant for our son!”
Rob:	“I think hormones playing with your memory, baby.  You just said we’re going to look for a girl’s name.”  *Smiles*
Kristen:	“Let me rephrase that then.  How about if we name our son John or Richard?
Rob:	“You’re kidding, right?”
Kristen:	“No.  I’m asking you.”
Rob:	“You know that the nickname for Richard is Dick, right?  So when his dick wants to go pee, he goes to the john.  Get it?  Dick?  John?  So, my answer is no.
Kristen:	*Nods vehemently*
Rob:	“How about a name that starts with the letter B?  You know, Bear, Bernie, Ba---”
Kristen:	*Snorts*  “Great.  Our son will continue our pet-naming legacy.”
Rob:	*Sighs*  “How about we just wait for him to name himself.”
Kristen:	*Sniggers*  “Seriously?  What are we going to name him for the time-being.”
Rob:	“Baby Boy.”
Kristen:	“And if at age 2 he wants to be called, Batman?”
Rob:	“Then he’s going to be Batman Pattinson.”
Kristen:	“And if he wants to be called Claudia?”
Rob:	*Takes deep breaths*  “Fine.”  *Goes back flipping the pages of the book* ----- *Stops*  “I got it.  We’re naming our son, “Robert Thomas Douglas Pattinson II… There.  Done.  RTD2 for short!”
Kristen:	*Hugs her man*  “I agree.”
Rob:	“Now that that’s done… What’s next in our agenda?” *Uses sexy voice, then, starts nibbling his baby’s earlobe*
Kristen:	“I need to go pee!”
Rob:	*Guffaws*
Kristen:	*Kisses her man, gets up… then runs to the bathroom*

THE ROYALS OF LA COUNTY

FICTION

PHOTOS USED BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER/S.  

NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.  PROMISE.

**************

Rob, Jr.

Age:  5

Kindergarten

The “Show” of his “Show & Tell” item:  BK’s Paper Crown

… And this was "The Tell” part:

Whenever Daddy’s job takes him far, far away, he talks to me man to man and tells me that I am the King of our family while he’s gone.   My main job’s to make sure that Mommy; my brothers, DJ & Mac; and our four-legged family member are okay.  To make it official, Daddy took me to Burger King last night and… HE GOT ME THIS!!!  *Shows off his BK paper crown & puts it on his head*

Yes.  At the moment, I am the King.

Of course, Mommy is the Queen.  My brothers and I are the princes.  Daddy said that Kings rule the land; just like in the story books the he and mommy sometimes read to us.

*Stops, furrows brows*

But in my house, I think the King’s job is mainly to make sure the Queen is happy.  Daddy always says, “RJ, don’t make mommy upset,” or “RJ, do what mommy tells you, hurry!”  Daddy very rarely says no to mommy.  He loves mommy’s cupcakes and pies too much.  But I think he just loves mommy a lot, a lot, a lot.  Duh!  I get it.  I love mommy a whole bunch, too.  So do my brothers, I’m 100% sure.  Even I couldn’t say no to mommy. 

Aunt Lindsey says that none of us, Mommy’s men, can say “no” to her.  She says that we, the Pattinsons, are all whipped!  She could be right, you know.  When mommy bakes apple pie--- and, boy, does she make the best apple pie in the whole, wide world--- then, she puts whipped cream on top, and it’s just so delicious.  Or when she makes me hot cocoa drink and adds in whipped cream… I’m whipped!  Well, I think that’s what Aunt Lindsey mean.  So yeah, I’m truly whipped.  Just like daddy.

*Ponders*

I think it’s also The Look.  There’s just something in the way mommy looks at you when she means business or when she’s mellow.  I don’t get it because Daddy has green eyes too.  I got green eyes!  Whenever mommy yells:   “RJ, go brush your teeth. NOW!”  Boy, do I run faster than Edward Cullen when she uses her mommy-firm-voice and flashing you The Look.  But then again, when she says, “Sweetie, pick up your toys, please,” in such a loving way, then flashing you The Look… a different one, but it’s still A Look nonetheless… I get up even before she mutters the word, “please.” 

This morning, Daddy left for Canada.  He said he will be gone for 8 days. *Shows 8 fingers*  Mommy was so sad.  She even cried!  She always does whenever daddy’s off to work.  Daddy tickled her to make her laugh and said mommy’s crying because of mormons.  Mommy giggled and said that it’s daddy’s fault she pregnant again!  Sometimes, mommy and daddy’s talk are just weird.  

*Thinks*

I guess I get it now.  My daddy is from England.  When grandma and grandpa come to visit I see how grandpa takes care of my grandma.  I’ve never seen grandma put whipped cream on grandpa’s coffee--- So I cannot say that grandpa is whipped. I’m pretty sure though that grandma rules their home!

*Thinks harder* 

I get it!  England is ruled by the Queen.  I know this.  Daddy explained it to me.  Yeah!  That’s why at home, even though Daddy is the King, Mommy rules! *Claps* Whew!  I get it now. 

*Realizes something*

Oh, boy… Mommy and Daddy said that we will be welcoming my baby sister in two months.  Bummer!  We’re scrooge! She’s gonna rule us, too!

*Sighs, then, beams like his daddy*

But until then, teacher and classmates, I am the King of the Pattinson Household.  I got daddy's phone number on speed dial in my cellphone; just in case mommy cries again from missing daddy.  I'll demand daddy to come home if he's being away will make mommy very, very sad... I miss him already, too.  But, I have a job to do and I'll make Daddy proud.  The end!

RAGING HORMONES

LIKE ALL MY WORK, THIS IS FICTION...

OR NOT SO FICTION (I WISH?) LOL...

PICTURES TAKEN BY PAPZ...

NOT MINE!

OH, NO! AND HERE I AM USING THESE PICS!

FORGIVE ME.

BREAKING-UP IS HARD TO DO…

*FICTION*

A big fight erupted at the Casa de Stewart-Pattinson. Both were fuming and couldn’t see reason. No one wanted to apologize or admit he/she is at fault. It’s been days since they last talked and the tension could be felt from miles away.

Finally, the two came to a conclusion that something had to be done:

Rob:            “This has to stop!”

Kristen:        “You’re right.”

Rob:            “I want everything back.”

Kristen:        “Oh, I agree.”

Rob:            “I want all my T-shirts and boxers back.”

Kristen:        “Fine. You gotta give me back my thongs.”

Rob:            “Just to be clear. I’ve never worn them. I just--- um--- kept them for

the… um… for the scent!”

Kristen:        “Whatever. I want them back.  I want every pie, every cupcake,

every dish I so painstakingly prepared for you…”

Rob:            “Fine. I want the trips back.”

Kristen:        “What?”

Rob:            “Well, when I took you to London to meet my parents and friends.

The New Years at Isles of Wight… I want them all returned to

me!”

Kristen:        “Then, I want all the visits to grandma in Colorado be given back

to me as well… And, I want the strip tease performances…

Rob:            “Oh yeah?  Then, I want all lovemaking, hard fuck, soft fuck,

kinky couplings, and all foreplay back!  Pronto!”

Kristen:        “Fuck!  You’re so…soooo… selfish!  I want every kiss, every caress,

every touch be delivered back to me; just the way I gave them to

you!”

Rob:            “Fine!  Here’s my down payment!”  *grabs Kristen, puts arms

around her tightly and practically shoved his mouth on hers and

kissed her hardly, tongue included… sucking her mouth like there’s no tomorrow.”

Kristen:        *Moans*  “Do you want your hard fuck back?”

Rob:            *Groans*  “Abso-fucking-lutely!” 

                   ***The couple undressed each other quite ferociously”****

***Four hours later (wink), Rob has collected 1 hard fuck, 2 soft fucks, and 1 love-making.  Kristen has gotten back .001% of kisses, caresses, and touches.***

Rob:            *Panting*  “Be ready to surrender the kinky stuff in 15 minutes!”

Kristen:        *Raises eyebrow*  “While you’re recuperating, why don’t you

perform a strip tease.  I need them back, you know!”

Rob:            *Eyes her… then smiles.  Slowly, he tenderly ran his fingers on her

face.  “You’re so beautiful.”

Kristen:        *Sighs*  “You just have to be sappy, huh.”  *Then, a lone tear

stubbornly burst from each of her green, green eyes*

Rob:            *Leans to kiss the tears away.*  “I was wrong.”

Kristen:        *Wraps her arm around Rob’s and drops a kiss on his chest* 

“You’re only human.”  *Smiles*

Rob:            *Chuckles*  “So, it’s my fault, then?”

Kristen:        *Nods*  “Now you admit it.”

Rob:            *Holds Kristen tightly to him*  “I love you.”

Kristen:        *Looks up to Rob*  “So, you want all your stuff back?”

Rob:            *Laughs*  “Oh, I got it all back, babe!”  *Winks at Kristen*

Kristen:        *Nods*  “I got it all back, too!  So?”

Rob:            “So?”

Kristen:        “We’re never breaking-up, are we?”

Rob:            “Never!  We have plenty of… um…stuff… to return to each other if we do.”

Kristen:        “Stuff, huh?”  *laughs*

Rob:            *Laughs*  “Yes, stuff!  And speaking of stuff, I need those kinky sex stuff right about now!”

Kristen:        “I love you!”

Rob:            “I know.”  *Starts taking back those hot, kinky stuff…*

Bear:           “And that is why and how, sometime next year, we’re going to have a baby master.”

Bernie/Jella:          “Owwwww….”

Daddy and Mommy's trick & treat...

FICTION

Mommy and daddy held a Halloween party for their close friends.  I was with mommy but I’m still so tiny so she’s able to fit in this tight, leather number that drove daddy to madness... How do you know, you asked?  Well, I can hear, dummy! 

Daddy said, “You’re damn sexy.  You’re driving me crazy with want, woman!  Let me take that off.  I want to be inside you.”  Then, he growled the word: “NOW!”  It didn’t take long before I felt the quake; the vibration; the rhythmic insertion of the daddy’s tube to mommy’s gate.  It was soothing.  What I didn’t appreciate was the loud grunts and moans.  But once the final jerk and scream happened, there’s peace… Ahhhhh… So peaceful… Calm!  Yeah, I know the drill.  I live in this globe, am I not? 

Then, the most beautiful words were spoken:  “I love you.”  I felt mommy’s heart thud after daddy spoke those words and even my heart felt the impact of these words.  When mommy spoke these words to daddy, I felt my whole being become even more precious… like I could make mommy and daddy move mountains! 

So you see?  I am here because of LOVE.  Yes, LOVE!