"Now, don't you go pissin' Jella Stewart-Pattinson! Okay?"

Dear Diary,

I was pissed!  Truly, I was. 

Lies.  All lies… They can’t even get their stories straight.  Dagnabit!

Well, dear D., I’m sure you’re wondering why I was upset and what I was talking about.  It’s like this.  Every time my dad & mom surf the net, outrageous stories about them pop up the screen.  Some made them laugh.  Others displeased them.  The rest were just plain lies; some shit these so-called writers managed to come up with after conducting a bogus interview with their “trusted source” in their mind.  LOL.  They are their own source.  Weird!

So, to help these magazines and tabloids write the truth, I thought it’s time for me to speak up.  It’s time for truth!  No more lies!  I’m sick of it.  In order to do this I sought the help of Dr. Doolittle and a well renowned Asian animal psychic, Mr. Moda Faka.  I was positive that they’d be able to talk to me, hear me, understand me, and translate for me. 

First, I met with Dr. Doolittle.

Dr. Doolittle:  *In hyper voice*  “So what’s ya name?”

Me:  *In my calm meow*  “It’s Jella, Sir. J-E-L-L-A!”  (Damn, I ‘m a good speller!).

Dr. Doolittle:  *Laughed too happily*  “Oh,  you have a good name.  It’s very chocolate-y.”

Me:  *Confused*  “Err… Chocolate-y?”

Dr. Doolittle:  “Yeah.  Nutella.  Love that stuff!  Good name for a cat.”

Me:  *Rolled my eyes*  “It’s Jella!  Do you need me to meow louder?  Is it my accent?”  (I was meowing a little stressed-out at this point).  “I know I now meow with British accent because my dad is British but I never really thought it’s that strong.  Probably because even my mom speaks like my dad now.”

Dr. Doolittle:  *Stared at me*  “Whoa!  That’s a long speech there, Kitty Cat!”

Kitty-freakin-cat?!? That did it for me!  If my paws landed on his, um, arm… that’s not entirely my fault.  How dare he mock me that way?  I know… I know… I was too sensitive.  But, please, Dear D., don’t blame me.  I was desperate and I thought Dr. Doolittle was totally gifted.  I shouldn’t have trusted that rat who told me about him; and I even spared that rat’s life!  Freakin-ey!

 Anyhoo— There was this one time, I was staying with Uncle Tom, keeping him company while my Mom and Dad went to this Spa place in Ojai, “heating things up” as Uncle Tom explained to me; and we were watching this show with lotsa Asian people in it and I saw this TV commercial about Mr. Moda Faka, an Asian animal psychic.  He was awesome.  Uncle Tom was totally digging it!  Not the animal psychic.  The show.  With the skinny, beautiful women in it… Well, it’s a good thing I memorized the number.

So I went to see Mr. Moda Faka.  I think he’s Japanese, but I’m not sure.  And, Oh.My.God.  He’s effing amazing!  He was conversing with me in my head.  First, he greeted me, just looking into my Kristen-like green eyes (kidding!).  But he did stare at my eyes, okay?  We stared at each other for half an hour, conversing in silence.  His dark brown eyes probing, reading my thoughts through my eyes.  I have goosebumps reminiscing that moment.

Our silent conversation went like this:

Mr. Faka:  “So, you want the world to know how much your mother, Kristen, loves your dad, Rob; and how doting your dad is to your mom… and vise versa?”

Me:  “Yes, Mr. Faka.”

Mr. Faka:  “And how totally devoted your dad and mom are to each other?”

Me:  “Yes, Mr. Faka.”

Mr. Faka:  “And your mom will drop everything for your dad.  That she is a mature woman who takes care of your dad like he’s her prince... Because she's his princess?”

Me:  “MODA FAKA, you’re the best!  Yes!”

The conversation went on and on and he did read my thoughts.  I was almost in tears.  He never once muttered one word.  Moda Faka just looked straight into my eyes and totally read my mind. 

Then, an hour later… It was time for me to ask Moda Faka to write my thoughts.  I smelled victory for a moment, Dear Diary.  But then… Mr. Faka started speaking.  He spoke words that sounded gibberish and alien to me.  I thought he was angry at first.  But then he smiled.  Then, talked again… Then rolled his 'R's, and nodding his head.  My heart fell.  Then, he looked straight into my eyes again and he told me this: 

Mr. Faka:  “You may think I speak your language but I don't.  Thoughts are universal.  I hear your thoughts.  I understand them.  But I’m sorry.  I don’t speak English.”

Me:  “Please, Mr. Faka.  Find a translator.  Talk to her in your language and she will translate everything in English… Well, if you speak British, I’ll translate my thoughts in British.  I’m bi-lingual.  I speak the American and British language.”

Mr. Faka:  *Shaking his head*  “As it is, everyone is laughing at my profession.  People think I’m crazy.  With all the information I got from you about the most famous couple in the world, I could sell this story and earn big bucks.  But who would believe me if I tell them my source was a cat?”

Me:  “Yes.  A cat!  But not just any cat.  I am Jella Stewart-Pattinson!  I belong to Kristen and Robert Pattinson!”

But that didn’t do me any good,  my Dear Diary.  Moda Faka refused my pleadings but I totally understood his point.

A few days ago, my mom cooked a special meal for my dad…

Dad:  “Baby, this is delicious!” *Reached for the salt shaker*

Mom:  “Honey, what are you doing?”

Dad:  “I just want to add salt.”

Mom:  “No, you’re not.”

Dad:  “Just a little bit…”  *Started to put salt on his food*

Mom:  “Robert Thomas Douglas Pattinson!  Lay off that salt shaker.  Now!”

Dad:  *Quietly dropped the salt and ate silently*

Mom:  *Sighed, got up, and sat on my dad’s lap*  “Baby, you’re not mad at me are you?”

Dad:  *Remained quiet but wound his arms around my mom’s waist*

Mom:  “I just… I just want you healthy.  That’s all.  I love you.”

And that made it all okay. 

Caring…loving… 

And I felt so much better. 

So what if these dumbos write lies about my mom and dad.  The thing is, my parents are happy.   

They could write about how my mom went out Christmas Eve in Soho in L.A.; while my dad was in London… When in truth, they’re both together that very moment… 

They could write that they’ve broken up 100 times a week… When in truth, they’re more solid, stronger than ever... 

They could write about how not ready my mom is to settle down or commit herself to my dad… When in truth, she’d already given and committed her self to my dad… 

I won’t be upset anymore, dear diary.  Who fucking cares what they think and write!  I know the truth. 

But I will never forget my experience with Dr. Doolittle and Moda Faka!

Like my parents, I’m chillin.  Just lovin’!

Until next time…

Sincerely,

Jella “The Zen Master” Stewart-Pattinson

 All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owner/s.

No copyright infringement intended.

This is fiction.

Thank you.

"I’ll do anything for you, baby!"

(All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owner/s

No copyright infringement intended...
But this one here... Is a collage I put together
to celebrate Robsten's love and kisses!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kristen:  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetie.”

Rob:  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Baby.”

Kristen:  “Do you love me?”

Rob:  “Very much so.  To prove to you I love you with everything that I am, I’ll do anything for you, Kristen.”

Kristen: “You’ll give me your last breath?”

Rob:  “With pleasure!”

Kristen:  “You’ll swim the vast ocean just to be near me?”

Rob:  “In a heartbeat!”

Kristen:  “You’ll fight off the scariest jungle animal…”

Rob:  “With the strength I could muster, I will!”

Kristen:  “Will you let me go out with some of my girlfriends to Vegas to celebrate my 21^st birthday; get drunk and wasted?”

Rob:  *Chokes*

Kristen:  “Ha, Baby?”

Rob:  *Hisses*

Kristen:  “You know… go dancing on the ledge…?”

Rob:  *Grunts… then swallows*

Kristen:  “You trust me, right?”  *smirks*

Rob:  “Err… Of course!  Of course!”

Kristen:  “Hmm… So, is your answer yes?”

Rob:  “NO!”

Kristen:  *Narrows brows*  “No?”

Rob:  “Yes!”

Kristen:  “Yes?”

Rob:  *Now frustrated*  “I mean, yes.  I trust you.”

Kristen:  “And you’ll do anything for me?”

Rob:  “Anything, baby.”  *Sighs*  “Do you love me?”

Kristen:  “Like, yeah!”

Rob:  “Will you do anything for me?”

Kristen:  “Mm-Hm!”

Rob:  “Promise?”

Kristen:  “Anything, Rob!  You got it!”

Rob:  *Puppy eyes*  “Then, don’t go to Vegas, baby… Please…”

Kristen:  *Embraces her man*  “God, I love you!”

Rob:  *Beams*  “I know!”

***Tee-Hee***

Happy Valentine’s Day, Rob & Kristen!!!

Wishing you, both, the kind of love

that lasts beyond forever!

Take Me... Touch Me... Love me! (Repost)

TOM DEMANDS A VALENTINE'S GIFT!!!

Tom:  “So, Rob… have you decided what gift you’re going to get me for Valentine’s Day?”

Rob:  “What?  You?  Why should I get you a present for Valentine’s Day.”

Tom:  *Smirks*  “You do realize that Kristen is yours because of me, right?”

Rob:  “What the hell are you talking about?”

Tom:  “I could have been Edward Cullen you know…”

Rob:  “Could haves don’t count, Tom.”

Tom:  “And think about it… If you weren’t Edward Cullen, you’d have to butter me up to meet her coz Kristen and I worked together in On The Road.”

Rob:  “You’re offline, dude!  I would have done the impossible to meet her!”

Tom:  “Hmm… Eddie Redmayne could have helped you, too.  So, you owe him a Valentine’s Day present as well.  If it weren’t for us, you wouldn’t be celebrating the Love Day with your Kristen.”

Rob:  “If I owe anything to anyone, it’s gotta be fate!”

Tom:  “Shit!  That’s fuckin’ lame, Rob!  Corny as hell, too!  If fate has something to do with this, Kristen could have been mine.”

Rob:  *Quiet*

Tom:  “You’d be the third wheel watching over us while we kiss.”

Rob:  *Quiet*

Tom:  “I’d be the one writing songs about her beautiful green eyes!”

Rob:  *Quiet*

Tom:  “I’d be the one worrying over her leading man when she makes a new movie!”

Rob:  *Quiet*

Tom:  “You’d be the one taking care of Jella while we go on a date or something!”

Rob:  *Quiet*

Tom:  “I’d be the one meeting her in New Orleans or Toronto, or Budapest… having a nice home in L.A. area… Romancing her at a secluded place… Playing the guitar with her… Whispering with her…”  *sighs*

Rob:  *Quiet*

Tom:  “Then, every New Year… I’d be spending it with her… Kissing her in the PUB when 12Midnight comes… spending New Year’s morning with her… cuddling with her…kissing her… making love to her…”

Rob:  *Narrows eyes*  “What made you think that you could have been all that?  What made you think that she’d have fallen in love with you?  That, if you auditioned for the Edward Cullen part that she would have insisted they cast you?  That, you’d even catch her attention?”

Tom:  *Swallows*  “Well… Um…”

Rob:  “If anything, if what you said were true, we won’t be friends now coz I would have fallen for her and she, for me!  Because WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!”

Tom:  “Jeez!  I was only kidding…”  *smirks*

Rob:  *Mumbles*  “…Kissing her in the Pub when 12 midnight comes…” *Throws Tom a dagger-look*

Tom:  “So, if Kristen isn’t yours….”

Rob:  “She’s mine!”

Tom:  “No… I’m just saying…”

Rob:  “She’s always been mine, Tom.  End of story!”

Tom:  “And you’re saying, I’m meant to be the, um, third wheel?  The couple’s friend?  Um, Jella’s uncle?  The good friend?”

Rob:  *Smiles*  “You are all that, Tom.  But Kristen and I appreciate you.”

Tom:  “Okay.  Fine!  I have another question.”

Rob:  “What?”

Tom:  “If Kristen gives birth to your child. Gains weight.  Will you still love her?”

Rob:  “What kind of a fucked-up question is that?  I will love her even more!”

Tom:  “Okay… What if she becomes this mean-spirited person, like a witch-bitch, psychopath woman… Will you love her then?”

Rob:  “So much so that I’d help her get the help she needs. I’ll never leave her.  Ever!”

Tom:  “Okay… You know what they say… Women age faster than man.  What if she’s wrinkled and gray… Will you still love her then?

Rob:  “With all my heart and soul.”

Tom:  “What if she turned into this super ugly woman…”

Rob:  “As long as she’s Kristen, I’ll love her until the day I die!”

Tom:  “What if she realized she loves me!”  *grins wickedly*

Rob:  *Grins back*  “Then, I’ll just have to kill you!”

Tom:  “What?!?”

Rob:  “You heard me!”

Tom:  “Dude!  That’s fucked-up?”

Rob:  “You asked for it, man!”

Tom:  “What if she finds herself in love with another man.”

Rob:  “As long as that other man is me, that’s okay!”

Tom:  “Are you even listening to yourself?  How could that be possible?”

Rob:  “Do you know why we’ve lasted this long in spite of the many break-up or cheating rumors?  In spite of the many temptations in the world we live in?”

Tom:  “Because you, two, are married?”  *Laughs*

Rob:  “More than that!  Because we believe in what we have.  We have faith in each other.  We embraced the fact that we love each other more than anything and we are each other’s soul mate!  We’ll put us first before anything else!  We make each other happy.”

Tom:  “Wow!  Being in love turns you sappy, man!”

Rob:  “Dude.  I have the perfect girl!”

Tom:  *Sighs*  “I know… She’ll be a good mom!  She’s a good woman!  She takes really good care of you.”

Rob:  *Beams with pride* 

Tom:  “So, I expect my Valentine’s gift tomorrow.  Okay?”

Kristen:  *Enters*  “What gift?”

Tom:  “I’m just telling Rob that if he wasn’t Edward Cullen, he wouldn’t have gotten you as his girl!”

Kristen:  “Says who?”

Tom:  “Um…ME!”

Kristen:  “Why’d you say that?”

Tom:  “Coz!”

Kristen:  “Tom, listen.  It was love the first time we laid eyes on each other.  Rob and I are meant to be together.  We – ”

Tom:  “Oh, God!  Not again!  I don’t want to hear it again!  Okay?  Do you, two, practice your daily dialogues or something? God!  You’re like a broken record!  You should record a duet!”

R/K:  “We have!  You want to hear?”

Tom:  “What the fuck?  For real?”

R/K:  “For real!”

Tom:  “Damn!!!  Valentine’s Day is over-rated anyway.  Fine!  I don’t want any present!  Just… Just… let me be!  Okay?”  *Leaves*

Kristen:  “What’s up with Tom, Babe?”

Rob: *Takes Kristen in his arms*  “Baby, he can’t handle the truth!!!”

Tom:  *Yells*  “I heard that!!!”

R/K:  *Laugh*  

All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owners.

No copyright infringement intended. Promise.

This is fiction.  (Like I have to say it! LOL!)

Thank you for reading this blog!

Happy Valentine's Day, sweeties.

Happy Romantic Valentine's Day to Rob & Kristen!

(This is my pre-valentine post... 

I'm still thinking/writing my 

Robsten Valentine's Day Post!

I hope I'll think of something sweet & romantic

and hella hot!  Well, I can hope.  Right?)

Li'l Rob... The Visionary!!!

All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owner/s.

No copyright infringement is ever intented.

This is fiction.

Thank you.

"Like FOREVER, you know...."

All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owners.  

No copyright infringement intended.  

This is fiction.

Thank you very much.

BE BACK SOON...

Not feeling so good, bbs...

But I'll update as soon as I am 
well enough to think...LOL...

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Rob, Jr.’s dilemma

Rob, Jr.: *Sulking*

Kristen:  “Hey, sweetie.  What’s the matter?”

Rob, Jr.: *Narrows eyes*

Kristen:  “Tell mommy what’s wrong.”  *Sits beside her son*

Rob, Jr.:  “Mommy, I want to be a Prince for the Halloween.”

Kristen:  “Well, that’s fine; if that’s what you want.”

Rob, Jr.:  “I do! But daddy said I can’t.”

Rob:  “Son, there’s nothing wrong with what you already have.”

Kristen:  *Suppresses giggle* 

Rob, Jr.: “Well, if I can’t be a prince, can I be Superman then!”

Rob:  *Clears throat*  “But then there’ll be so many of you at school wearing the same costume.  You have to be original.”

Rob, Jr.:  *Glares*  “Dad.  There’s nothing original about the costume you chose for me.  I’ve been wearing that every Halloween since Pre-School!  I’m on first grade now, Dad!”

Kristen:  *Smiles*  “So pick something else.  There are so many superheroes to choose from.”

Rob:  “Just not Superman or a Prince.  Okay!”

Rob, Jr.:  *Whines* 

Rob:  “Or stick with what you already have!”

Rob, Jr.:  *Stares at Rob seriously*  “Daddy.  Again.  I can’t be Edward Cullen every year!  The pea coat barely fits me now.  Okay?  AND IT’S BORING!”

Kristen:  *Now laughing hysterically*

Rob:  “Then, we’ll sprinkle you with glitters so you’ll sparkle in the sun. Ha? Ha?  You'll have the best costume in your entire school!”

Rob, Jr.:  *Turns to Kristen*  “Mommy, talk to your husband!”  *Walks out*

Kristen:  *Guffaws*

Rob:  “A little help would have been nice”

Kristen:  "Aww, baby... You still hold grudges against Prince and Superman?"

Rob:  "Do you want to see my list? Tron's number 3!"  *Tickles Kristen*

*Nine Months Later, another Robsten baby's born!* 

*****Awww*****

All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owner/s.

No copyright infringement intended.

This is for entertainment purposes only.

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY FICTION! 

Thank you, sweeties.

The Prince, Superman, and Edward Cullen!

Prince:  "What’s your problem Krypton Boy?  I come out asking Kristen Stewart to be my Snow White and a day or two later you go talking to the press announcing that she is your Lois Lane?   You are a…”

Superman:  *Laughs Sarcastically*  “Do you think Kristen would rather sing operatic songs with you than fly with me, huh?”

Prince:  “Oh, shut up, Superman!  You think you’re so hot going about playing god to mankind in your, um, blue leotards and red cape?  Please!  That is so gay!”

Superman:  “Look who’s talking!?! One more word about my costume and I’m throwing you to Mars, PrinceWithNoName!”  *Mocks Prince*  “Or would you like me sing that to you so you’ll understand better?”

Prince:  “I’ll have you know that my sword’s hilt is decorated with kryptonite stones.”

Rob:  *Now really, really pissed*  “I’ll have you both know that only I can make the decision as to whether or not MY Kristen could be your Snow White or Lois Lane.  So, you, two, better shut it!”  *Mumbles:  It’s fucking hard to be a supportive boyfriend… I’d rather keep my girl to myself… but yeah… I have to let her grow as an actress… She’s so awesome*

Superman:  “She is!  And her legs…. Damn!”

Prince:  *Sings* “She's got these big green eyes; and they're as wide as the moon; and they can take you to bed; without you leaving the room—”

Rob:  *Growls*  “Oh fuck!  Leave.  Now!  Just so you know, I'm the world's most dangerous predator.  Every thing about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell.  As if I would need any of that... as if you could outrun me... as if you could fight me off.  I'm designed to kill.”

Kristen:  *Enters room*  “Baby?  Who are you talking to?”

Rob:  *Stands up straight*  “Oh, um… no one, baby.”

Kristen:  “Why the scowl?”

Rob:  *Sighs*  “This Prince dude and this Superman guy…”

Kristen:  *Embraces Rob*  “You know… I prefer Edward Cullen the most.  I don’t need a Prince… I don’t care about Superman.  To me, Edward Cullen is a hero.  He is impossibly fast… And strong. His skin is pale white and ice cold. His eyes change color... and sometimes he speaks like - like he’s from a different time. And he sparkles in the sunlight!  He’s perfect!”

Rob:  “Perfect?”

Kristen:  “But not as perfect as you, Rob.”

Rob:  *Grins happily*

Prince:  “Fuck, I want her!”

Superman:  “Let us see about that!”

Rob:  *Furrows brows and turns to Kristen*  “Baby… I have an idea…”

Kristen: *Wraps hands around Rob’s waste*  “Let’s hear it!”

Rob:  “I think that after Breaking Dawn, you should play the role of the young Sister Teresa of Calcutta.  You know… A nun!  That role is perfect for you!”

Prince & Superman:  “Smart dude, that Robert Pattinson!  No wonder Kristen fell for him!”

******************************

All copyrighted photos belong to their rightful owner/s.

No copyright infringement intended.

This is for entertainment purposes only.

This is FICTION!

Thanks, bbs!

KStew Has the Best Legal Team... Ever!!!

Kristen Stewart and Universal’s

Snow White and The Huntsman

Negotiation Meeting

Universal:  “Ms. Stewart, thank you for coming.  Shall we begin?”

KStew:  “If we can wait for a minute or two, please.”

Universal:  “Certainly.  We’re waiting for your legal team?”

KStew:  “Um… Yeah.  You can say that.” *Clears throat*  “Yes.  My legal team.”

Universal:  “Wonderful.”

Two minutes later…

RPattz:  *Enters the room.  Sits next to KStew*

****Cricket**** Cricket**** Cricket**** Cricket****

Another minute later…

Universal: *Glances at the wallclock*

****Cricket**** Cricket**** Cricket**** Cricket****

Two more minutes…

Universal:  “Ah, Ms. Stewart, is you legal team arriving soon?”

KStew:  “Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be rude.”  *Glances at RPattz*  “You know, Robert Pattinson…”

Universal:  “Of course!  Nice to meet you in person, Mr. Pattinson.”

RPattz:  “The pleasure is mine.  Thank you.  Shall we begin?”

Universal:  *Confused*  “By all means!  But should we wait for Ms. Stewart’s legal team first?”

RPattz:  *Shows his famous crooked smile*  “No need.  I’m here!”

KStew:  *Glows*

Universal: *Thinks:  Oh, we got her!  She’s our Snow White.  We could even get her man to play the prince for a fraction of the price!!!*

RPattz:  “Now… If you could address some of my… uh… client’s concerns, please….”  *Pauses, then sips water from the bottle he and KStew share*

Universal:  *Eyeing RPattz… Questioningly*  “Yes?”

Rpattz:  “Don’t you think seven dwarfs are too many?”

*** Tee-Hee***

All copyrighted photos used in this blog belong 

to their rightful owner/s.

No copyright infringement intended.

This is Fiction.   For entertainment purposes only.

MANY THANKS, MY SWEETS!!!