Friday, October 8, 2010


(Pictures used in this post were found online... If any of the photos is yours... My sincerest thanks!!!)

Dear Diary,

One time, I heard Uncle Tom told someone on the phone that my Daddy and Mommy are made for each other. I’ve been wondering what Uncle Tom meant by that… I have been for a while now.

Who made Mommy and Daddy?  And why did the Mommy-and-Daddy-Maker specifically created Mommy for Daddy or Daddy for Mommy?  I questioned, too, if I was intended for Mommy & Daddy when the cat-maker created me.  So many questions I’ve yet to find answers for.

Oh, I bet my Daddy and Mommy knew they’re made for each other since that very moment they first laid eyes on each other.  I think…  Hmm… Well, it’s probably the reason why Daddy always says to mommy, “Kristen, you’re mine!”… And why Mommy says, “Rob, you belong only to me!”… ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME!!!

Their knowing their destiny is so amazing!  My Mommy is a psychic! So is my Daddy!  Cool, Ha?!  There have been many instances that had me convinced of this fact.  Let me cite some examples, dear diary:

When my Daddy begins to undress my Mommy (probably because sometimes Mommy gets so lazy that she just lets Daddy do all the work, you know…); Daddy says, “I’ll make it so good, Baby, YOU WILL SCREAM MY NAME!!!”  And Daddy’s right!  My Mom screams out my Daddy’s name!  “Rob!!!”

My Daddy becomes this super-strong man, lifting Mommy up and down; bending her without ever detaching himself from her; his hands and lips alternately stroking Mommy’s skin… It seems to be my parents’ thing; you know… This game… They mimic some arcade games… and whack-a-mole seems to be their favorite… Except, they use their hips to whack each other… and, oh, they are the moles as well!  I love that game!

Anyhooo---- After Daddy and Mommy whack each other’s hips… making soggy, clapping-sound… Their breathing becomes heavy and erratic… and then…. There it is!!! Mommy shudders as she cries my Daddy’s name in her husky voice … “Rob! Oh, Rob! Baby…!” Her screaming only makes Daddy cry with her as he jolts sporadically!

However, with Mommy and Daddy playing whack-a-mole… I get so confused coz I end up guessing who won!  Sometimes, just when I thought my Daddy had won, Mommy would flip Daddy under her, straddling him, slapping her hips on Daddy’s… Making Daddy gasp… And Mommy moans Daddy’s name… again and again…

To tell you honestly, dear diary… I think my parents mix air-hockey with whack-a-mole.  You know why?  They alternate their position, whacking each other!  And like air-hockey, the more coins you put in, the more games you can play…  The more thrusts Daddy puts-in into my Mommy’s groin, the more they play… and the longer they stay attached.  Let’s just say my Mommy and Daddy play their game sooooo many times in one freakin’ night… or day!

As for my Mommy…

Mommy is a different kind of psychic though.  Daddy confirms Mommy’s psychic ability most of the time.  Like, when they argue (not very often), because their opinions don’t jive, my Mommy would tell my Daddy, “I’m telling you, Honey, it’s going to mess up our plans.  But of course, Daddy will sweet-talk Mommy until she gives in… It’s never a good idea, I tell you. 

You’d think my Daddy had learned by now that Mommy is always right! She sees the future for crying out loud! That’s why when Daddy fucks things up… he uses his charm to deescalate Mommy’s fury (Tee-Hee!)… And then Daddy sighs and says, “YOU’RE RIGHT, BABY!”  Mommy doesn’t get upset with my Daddy too long… My Daddy makes it up to my Mommy… and besides… my Mommy loves my Daddy a lot… a lot… a lot… Just as much as Daddy loves my Mommy!

Just a few days ago, I overheard Uncle Tom and Uncle Tay having this conversation:

Uncle Tom:  “Fate made sure Rob and Kristen found each other… If they’re with someone else, they would have driven their partner or themselves to insanity! 

Uncle Tay:  “They’re both fucking possessive and protective!”

Uncle Tom:  “The amazing thing is, Kristen adores Rob’s protective nature and Rob is crazy over Kristen’s ways!”

Uncle Tay:  “Foreplay?”

Uncle Tom:  “Totally!”

That conversation made so much sense to me, dear diary!  Fate, whoever she is, introduced Mommy and Daddy.  Mommy and Daddy are together because they possess and protect each other…. WOW!!!  And because Fate told them to be together, they cannot be with someone else!  This Fate person is a genius.  She’s probably an Aunt or a cousin… I would love to meet her one day!  Maybe at my parents’ church wedding!  I’m suddenly fucking excited!!!

And about that four-play…

It made sense, too!  Mommy and Daddy play four times per set! 

I mean… When they’re in the TV room, they play on the couch, on the floor, against the wall, then on the chair!  That’s four!  FOURPLAY! 

And when they’re in the kitchen, they play on the counter, again on the floor, on the kitchen table, and sometimes against the fridge… That’s four!!! FOUR-FUCKING-PLAY!!!

And I bet with every whisker I have that my Daddy and Mommy play four times in the shower and in the bedroom… in the garage… in the Daddy’s big car… in Mommy’s small car… in their hotel room … Everywhere… FOUR TIMES, EVERY TIME! 

My parents really do love FOUR-PLAY!!!  Now I understand… 

I wonder if Uncle Tom and Uncle Tay watch Mommy and Daddy do their FOUR-PLAY… that’s why they knew, too! 

Wait… Maybe Aunt Fate told them to do FOUR-PLAY every time!

Damn!  I’m turning to be a genius, like Dad!

Okay, dear diary… I’ma go observe and eavesdrop some more… I’m enjoying solving my uber-in love-parents’ mysterious behavior!!!

Until next time…

Jella, P.I.


  1. Jella, Jella, Jella...yes you have figured out Four-play and yes Aunt Fate was a smart person to pair up Mommy and Daddy. I love your blog!