TROUBLE IN PARADISE!

Already... Trouble in Paradise!

When:  After shooting the bed scene…

Where:  In their trailer.

Witnesses:  Friends, Tom Sturridge and Taylor Lautner.

****~~~~****~~~~****

K:  *Sniffs* “I felt it… y-you were very intense!*

R:  *Scowls* “Yeah? How about you?  You were staring at him so passionately!”

K:  *Raises voice* “That’s because your hands were fucking all over her!”

R:  *Raises voice, too* “W-what?!?  You gotta be kidding me, Kristen!  You were totally into him, damn it!”

K:  *Now in tears* “You… You k-kissed her… the way you kiss me!!!”

R:  *Breathes hard* “And you returned his kiss just as fervently, Babe!

K:  *Sobbing* “You... You... said... sweet words to her meant only for me!!!"   *Now very upset*

R:  *Frustrated*  "Oh, come on!  Don't be unfair!  And you didn't?"

K:  *Looks away*  "Do you… Do you have feelings for her?”

R:  *Wipes her tears* “Do you have feelings for him?”

K:  *Shakes head* “I love you, Rob.  It’s just that—that… When I look at him… I-I don’t see him… I SEE YOU!”

R:  *Takes her in his arms* “Same for me, Kristen.  There’s no one else for me but you…”

K:  *Kisses his lips* “So, do we agree that we’re not cheating!”

R:  *Nods* “I never did and I’ll never will, Babe.”

K:  *Hugs him tighter* “Same here, Babe.”

R:  *Stares at her lovingly* “Here’s what we’re going to do… When you look at him… when you touch him… when you kiss him… when you’re intimate with him…”

K:  *Smiles* “It’s not him…. IT IS YOU!”

R:  *Smiles* “And when I do those things to her… Know that I’m not doing it to her…. BUT TO YOU, Baby!”

K:  *Whispers something into Rob’s ears*

R:  *Takes Kristen into his arms and kisses her fervently* “I fucking love you so damn much!”  *Yanks her into their little bedroom and carelessly slams the door*

*GIGGLES, MOANS, GRUNTS, AND GROANS

COULD BE HEARD ONCE DOOR WAS SHUT!*

Tom:  “Ha!”

Taylor:  “Okay… What was that?”

Tom:  “They totally forgot we were here.”

Taylor:  “That was…. Quite… interesting!”

Tom:  “To say the least!”  *Guffaws*

Taylor:  *Confused* “I don’t get it though… THEY CAUGHT EACH OTHER CHEATING?… ON EACH OTHER?!” 

Tom:  *Grins & shakes head*  “YUP!”

Taylor:  “Really?  How?  When?... I mean, they’re always together! ALWAYS!  Even when they go to the freakin’ restrooms, they’re together, for crying out loud!... And from what I heard just now... that’s too messed up!  Kissing? Touching? Intimate?  Wow!  They’re both jealous people and very protective of each other… How could they tolerate the cheating?!?  To say I’m baffled is an understatement… Wait… Who are they cheating with?”

Tom:  *Looks at Taylor incredulously*  “You don’t know?”

Taylor:  *Squints eyes*  “NO!”

Tom:  "Rob and Kristen will be cheating on each other until this movie wraps up!”

Taylor:  “They’re here, too?!?...  I mean, the other girl Rob is seeing and the guy Kristen is cheating Rob with?”

Tom:  “Mm-Hmm!”

Taylor:  “Is it Ashley? But she’s going out with 1/3 of the Jonas Brothers!  Kellan?  Couldn’t be… He’s also in a relationship...” *Jaws drop*  "It is not... It is not me!!! I swear!!!"  *Stares at Tom*  "Is it you?!?  One of the new casts?!?"

Tom:  “FUCK!!! HELL, NO!!!   If it’s someone other than them... Rob will turn into an axe murderer!!!  And Kristen?  Well, she will be the next Loren Bobbit!”

Taylor:  *Bewildered* “I FREAKIN’ DON’T GET IT!  Can you just tell me who they're cheating with!... Maybe... Well, maybe they're both wrong!  Those two are so in love with each other!  They're practically MARRIED!  They act like doting husband and wife all the time... fucking 24/7!!!”

Tom:  *Sighs*  “TAYLOR…. TAYLOR..."  *More Dramatic Sigh - Shakes head*....YES!... ROBERT IS CHEATING ON KRISTEN… AND YES!...KRISTEN IS CHEATING ON ROBERT… THEY’RE CHEATING ON EACH OTHER WITH EDWARD AND BELLA!”

Taylor:  *Wide eyes* “WHAT?”

Tom:  “I know, right?... They’ve been on it since Twilight.  Rob was jealous with Edward because Edward could touch and kiss Kristen, and could say I LOVE YOU to her… you know… She belongs to Edward!”  *Leans onto Taylor*  “No offense, but Jacob was just an added character to spice up Bella’s and Edward’s love story!”

Taylor:  *Dazed*  “I don’t curse.. but… UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!”

Tom:  “Yup!  You got that right!... Un-fucking-believable!!!...  When they hooked-up… fell super to the max in love with each other… they’ve become so territorial and even more protective of each other…”  *Furrows brows*  … “Sometimes I think they just want to fight so they could make up!”

Taylor:  “This is not a joke, is it?  I mean… I saw them fight and made up just now… It was real!  It was!!! … Or was it?”

Tom: “Oh, yeah… It was real alright!”

Taylor:  “Wait!  But Kristen IS Bella and Robert IS Edward!!!”

Tom:  “… Or are they?”

Taylor:  *Ponders*  “Fuck!  I never once felt the urge to drink… But I FUCKIN’ NEED A DRINK NOW!”

Tom:  “There’s a bar on the corner!  Let’s go!”

Taylor:  “Please let me get drunk until I forget I witnessed… THAT!!!”  *Points at Rob & Kristen’s room; then covers his ears as loud, um, ‘intimate-noise’ reverberated in the trailer!*

Tom:  “You’ll get used to it… You have months to go…”

Taylor:  “Oh God!!!"

Tom:  “Come on, mate, let's get you drunk, my friend!”

________________________

(Whimpers from the bedroom:)

Baby, right there! Oh, God...Yes!

Baby, I love you... Ung...Ahh...