DAMN YOU, FAMOUS MAGAZINE!

Note:  This event only happened in my mind... not in real life, lol!

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Rob: “Baby, What’s wrong?” *Scoots closer to Kristen and wraps one arm around her shoulders, worry reflects on his face*

Kristen: *Leans head on Rob’s chest* “Oh, nothing, really…" *Sighs* “It’s just that people write things that fuck with my brains and emotions, you know… I just can’t help it.”

Rob: “So, don’t read any of that stuff. Wasn’t it you who said we’re not going to read any of that garbage; that we’ll talk about it instead?”

Kristen: “Yeah, I know… but sometimes it gets to me.”

Rob: *Kisses Kristen on the lips* “You want to tell me about it?”

Kristen: “Yeah…” *Gets up and looks straight into Rob’s eyes* “Does the name Elliot Thomas Pattinson ring a bell?  You know, your secret son with your secret lover, Elaina or Elana or whatever the fuck her name is?”

Sam and Tom: *Start to laugh… hard… with tears in their eyes* "Ahh...Kristen... That was funny!"

Tom:  "THAT HAS TO BE FAMOUS MAGAZINE! IT GOTTA BE!  THEY'RE NOTORIOUS IN FABRICATING STORIES AND EVIDENCE.”

Rob: *Suddenly angry* “Do they even know me? Those fuckers need to be shot, I tell you. God should turn them into dust for lying… for fucking up with me….damn it! Those fuckers…I am going to sue their fithy asses!!!”

Kristen: *Kisses Rob* “Sweetie, your heart…” *Chuckles* “See what I mean? It’s hard not get affected… And that’s not even true, right?”

Rob: *Eyes grow large* “Baby, you are not seriously asking me that, are you?”

Kristen: “Humor me!”

Rob: “I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!  I AM NOT EVER GONNA CHEAT ON YOU…”

Tom: “YEAH YOU DO, ROB… WITH Miss PALMER!” *Guffaws* “You know… palm… palm-er” *Clears throat* “Eh-herm... YEAH, KRISTEN... ROB WOULD RATHER EAT DIRT THAN KISS SOMEONE ELSE... Unless, of course, it's for a movie.” *Winks* “AND YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU’RE APART… HE DOES IT HIMSELF!” *Laughs*

Sam: “Oh, is that why Rob has calluses in his hands?” *Smirks*

Tom: “Yup. It’s not really from playing the guitar, ha, Rob?

Rob: “Shut up!”

Kristen: “Um, Tom? Sam? Your women aren’t here… so how have you been doing it then?”

Tom: *Looks perplexed* “Ummmmm” *Focuses on the road*

Sam: *Looks away*

Rob: *Smug* *Gathers Kristen in his arms*

Sam: “Going back to this very FAMOUS-Like story…. That’s the magazine who says you spent the night with that Gossip girl in NYC while you were shooting in London or Budapest, right?

Tom: “And the same magazine who claims that Taylor Lautner says Kristen deserves better than you… or something like that, correct?”

Kristen: “Wow! Really? And now you have a secret son, Babe… With photo and name as proof - sort of...Hmm… If they write too much about you wanting to be a young dad, I would think they'd write about you being the doting dad... one who refuses to leave his son to drive nearly 2000 miles just to be with his Twilight co-star."  *Giggles*  "Because if it were OUR baby, I'm sure you'll be a hands-on Dad... you will spoil our precious Junior!”

Rob: *Smiles his sweetest*  “I KNOW HOW TO CORRECT THIS FUCKING CRAP!!!"

Sam, Tom, & Kristen: “How?”

Rob: *Smiles widely, reaching his eyes* ‘BABE, IT’S TIME FOR US TO GET PREGNANT!”

Tom:  *Nods*“That may work!”

Sam: *Does a fist pump* “Fucking Genius!!! You’re a genius, Rob!”

Kristen: “Babe… you do have great friends that I can tell you. They’ll stand by you no matter what.” *Rolls eyes* “But, Baby... Really? You’re seriously thinking of us getting pregnant just to prove a point?”

Rob: *Still with a big smile on his face* “NO, BABE. I’VE BEEN THINKING

ABOUT IT A LOT LATELY AND WE’VE ALSO TALKED ABOUT IT… SO, I’M JUST THINKING THAT RATHER THAN DOING IT LATER… WHY NOT SOONER?”

Tom: “Yeah, why ever not, Kristen?”

Kristen: "And Breaking Dawn?”

Rob: “Will be perfect… you’re pregnant in the movie and you’ll be pregnant in real life… WITH OUR CHILD!” *Day dreams*

Kristen: “So, once I give birth, you’ll stay at home and I’ll go work.  Deal?”

Rob: *Respond rather quickly* “DEAL!”

Tom: “Changing diapers… Feeding… Long nights… Colic…. The crying… No more bar hopping… No more road trips… NO more beers… Can’t smoke… Won’t have time to play guitar…Hmm…. PERFECT!”

Sam: “While Kristen works… doing movies… Kissing scenes…. Love scenes… Sex scenes…”

Rob: *Face turns red* “BABY! YOU ARE QUITTING! WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO LAST US FIVE FUCKING LIFETIME!”

Tom: “So... It's still a "Yes" to the Baby and now a “NO” to Kristen going back to work.”

Rob: “Absu-fucking-lutely!”

Sam: “Nice! 24/7 lovin’… Hello parenthood… Hello, 10 children in a row!”

Kristen: “BUT OF COURSE, FAMOUS MAGAZINE WILL CLAIM THAT ROB ISN’T THE FATHER OF MY BABY.”

Rob: *Narrows eyes* “DAMN YOU, FAMOUS MAGAZINE! DAMN YOU!”

Kristen: *Perks up* “Oh, there’s McDonald’s, Babe."  *Turns to Tom* "Tom, pull over. I’m hungry!  I was feeling wozzy since this morning.  I think my tummy didn't agree with breakfast”

Rob: *Beams* “MY BABY’S PREGNANT!”

Tom & Sam: “Oh, shut it, Rob!”  *Looks behind them and found R/K Kissing*  "Oh, cripes!  Already started the process of baby-making" 

Rob:  "We've started some time ago... !" *Tickles Kristen with his beard!*

Kristen:  *Giggles*

Tom and Sam roll their eyes! 

I bet these, two, need 800mg Ibuprofen handy! 

Eye-rolling causes headache, lol!  They'll do that at lot in the next... say... 4 days?!