Monday, September 13, 2010

DAMN YOU, FAMOUS MAGAZINE!


Note:  This event only happened in my mind... not in real life, lol!
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Rob: “Baby, What’s wrong?” *Scoots closer to Kristen and wraps one arm around her shoulders, worry reflects on his face*

Kristen: *Leans head on Rob’s chest* “Oh, nothing, really…" *Sighs* “It’s just that people write things that fuck with my brains and emotions, you know… I just can’t help it.”

Rob: “So, don’t read any of that stuff. Wasn’t it you who said we’re not going to read any of that garbage; that we’ll talk about it instead?”

Kristen: “Yeah, I know… but sometimes it gets to me.”

Rob: *Kisses Kristen on the lips* “You want to tell me about it?”

Kristen: “Yeah…” *Gets up and looks straight into Rob’s eyes* “Does the name Elliot Thomas Pattinson ring a bell?  You know, your secret son with your secret lover, Elaina or Elana or whatever the fuck her name is?”

Sam and Tom: *Start to laugh… hard… with tears in their eyes* "Ahh...Kristen... That was funny!"

Tom:  "THAT HAS TO BE FAMOUS MAGAZINE! IT GOTTA BE!  THEY'RE NOTORIOUS IN FABRICATING STORIES AND EVIDENCE.”

Rob: *Suddenly angry* “Do they even know me? Those fuckers need to be shot, I tell you. God should turn them into dust for lying… for fucking up with me….damn it! Those fuckers…I am going to sue their fithy asses!!!”

Kristen: *Kisses Rob* “Sweetie, your heart…” *Chuckles* “See what I mean? It’s hard not get affected… And that’s not even true, right?”

Rob: *Eyes grow large* “Baby, you are not seriously asking me that, are you?”

Kristen: “Humor me!”

Rob: “I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!  I AM NOT EVER GONNA CHEAT ON YOU…”

Tom: “YEAH YOU DO, ROB… WITH Miss PALMER!” *Guffaws* “You know… palm… palm-er” *Clears throat*Eh-herm... YEAH, KRISTEN... ROB WOULD RATHER EAT DIRT THAN KISS SOMEONE ELSE... Unless, of course, it's for a movie.” *Winks* “AND YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU’RE APART… HE DOES IT HIMSELF!” *Laughs*

Sam: “Oh, is that why Rob has calluses in his hands?” *Smirks*

Tom: “Yup. It’s not really from playing the guitar, ha, Rob?

Rob: “Shut up!”

Kristen: “Um, Tom? Sam? Your women aren’t here… so how have you been doing it then?”

Tom: *Looks perplexed* “Ummmmm” *Focuses on the road*

Sam: *Looks away*

Rob: *Smug* *Gathers Kristen in his arms*

Sam: “Going back to this very FAMOUS-Like story…. That’s the magazine who says you spent the night with that Gossip girl in NYC while you were shooting in London or Budapest, right?

Tom: “And the same magazine who claims that Taylor Lautner says Kristen deserves better than you… or something like that, correct?”

Kristen: “Wow! Really? And now you have a secret son, Babe… With photo and name as proof - sort of...Hmm… If they write too much about you wanting to be a young dad, I would think they'd write about you being the doting dad... one who refuses to leave his son to drive nearly 2000 miles just to be with his Twilight co-star."  *Giggles*  "Because if it were OUR baby, I'm sure you'll be a hands-on Dad... you will spoil our precious Junior!”

Rob: *Smiles his sweetest*  “I KNOW HOW TO CORRECT THIS FUCKING CRAP!!!"

Sam, Tom, & Kristen: “How?”

Rob: *Smiles widely, reaching his eyes*BABE, IT’S TIME FOR US TO GET PREGNANT!”

Tom:  *Nods*“That may work!”

Sam: *Does a fist pump* “Fucking Genius!!! You’re a genius, Rob!”

Kristen: “Babe… you do have great friends that I can tell you. They’ll stand by you no matter what.” *Rolls eyes* “But, Baby... Really? You’re seriously thinking of us getting pregnant just to prove a point?”

Rob: *Still with a big smile on his face* “NO, BABE. I’VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT IT A LOT LATELY AND WE’VE ALSO TALKED ABOUT IT… SO, I’M JUST THINKING THAT RATHER THAN DOING IT LATER… WHY NOT SOONER?”

Tom: “Yeah, why ever not, Kristen?”

Kristen: "And Breaking Dawn?”

Rob: “Will be perfect… you’re pregnant in the movie and you’ll be pregnant in real life… WITH OUR CHILD!” *Day dreams*

Kristen: “So, once I give birth, you’ll stay at home and I’ll go work.  Deal?”

Rob: *Respond rather quickly* “DEAL!”

Tom: “Changing diapers… Feeding… Long nights… Colic…. The crying… No more bar hopping… No more road trips… NO more beers… Can’t smoke… Won’t have time to play guitar…Hmm…. PERFECT!”

Sam: “While Kristen works… doing movies… Kissing scenes…. Love scenes… Sex scenes…”

Rob: *Face turns red* “BABY! YOU ARE QUITTING! WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO LAST US FIVE FUCKING LIFETIME!”

Tom: “So... It's still a "Yes" to the Baby and now a “NO” to Kristen going back to work.”

Rob: “Absu-fucking-lutely!”

Sam: “Nice! 24/7 lovin’… Hello parenthood… Hello, 10 children in a row!”

Kristen: “BUT OF COURSE, FAMOUS MAGAZINE WILL CLAIM THAT ROB ISN’T THE FATHER OF MY BABY.”

Rob: *Narrows eyes* “DAMN YOU, FAMOUS MAGAZINE! DAMN YOU!”

Kristen: *Perks up* “Oh, there’s McDonald’s, Babe."  *Turns to Tom* "Tom, pull over. I’m hungry!  I was feeling wozzy since this morning.  I think my tummy didn't agree with breakfast”

Rob: *Beams* “MY BABY’S PREGNANT!”

Tom & Sam: “Oh, shut it, Rob!”  *Looks behind them and found R/K Kissing*  "Oh, cripes!  Already started the process of baby-making" 

Rob:  "We've started some time ago... !" *Tickles Kristen with his beard!*

Kristen:  *Giggles*

Tom and Sam roll their eyes! 

I bet these, two, need 800mg Ibuprofen handy! 
Eye-rolling causes headache, lol!  They'll do that at lot in the next... say... 4 days?!

4 comments:

  1. I'm living under a rock! But this crap that it claims to be a magazine always has shit to write about RK!
    Dear you are fantastic! I loved it. I haven't read this shitarticle, poor RK. This magazine and CIA should get off his dick, for crying out loud, they don't deserve it! Thank God we have you and we can joke about this and 'LOL'.

    "I bet these, two, need 800mg Ibuprofen handy!
    Eye-rolling causes headache, lol! They'll do that at lot in the next... say... 4 days?!"

    Poor SamStu! lol
    RK are worth the headache!

    XO

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  2. It's sad because not only is the magazine naming names but it also posted a photo of a child. And their statements ended with questions marks... meaning not even the mag was sure of their own story. Just so they could sell, they will sensationalize a hearsay. Then present sets of evidence that didn't justify the story. So sad.. not even entertaining. But yeah... we can laugh about it at least.. Hahaha! Thanks for your comment, sweetie.

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  3. omg! seriously famous magazine is a nightmare....what a shame! poor Rob the guy must be so upset with all this bullshit!

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  4. What a bunch of crap.Someone needs to set on fire this magazine and then kick the asses of all the clowns that write this kind of shit.This is beyond ridiculous.

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