Note: This event only happened in my mind... not in real life, lol!
Rob: “Baby, What’s wrong?” *Scoots closer to Kristen and wraps one arm around her shoulders, worry reflects on his face*
Kristen: *Leans head on Rob’s chest* “Oh, nothing, really…" *Sighs* “It’s just that people write things that fuck with my brains and emotions, you know… I just can’t help it.”
Rob: “So, don’t read any of that stuff. Wasn’t it you who said we’re not going to read any of that garbage; that we’ll talk about it instead?”
Kristen: “Yeah, I know… but sometimes it gets to me.”
Rob: *Kisses Kristen on the lips* “You want to tell me about it?”
Kristen: “Yeah…” *Gets up and looks straight into Rob’s eyes* “Does the name Elliot Thomas Pattinson ring a bell? You know, your secret son with your secret lover, Elaina or Elana or whatever the fuck her name is?”
Sam and Tom: *Start to laugh… hard… with tears in their eyes* "Ahh...Kristen... That was funny!"
Tom: "THAT HAS TO BE FAMOUS MAGAZINE! IT GOTTA BE! THEY'RE NOTORIOUS IN FABRICATING STORIES AND EVIDENCE.”
Rob: *Suddenly angry* “Do they even know me? Those fuckers need to be shot, I tell you. God should turn them into dust for lying… for fucking up with me….damn it! Those fuckers…I am going to sue their fithy asses!!!”
Kristen: *Kisses Rob* “Sweetie, your heart…” *Chuckles* “See what I mean? It’s hard not get affected… And that’s not even true, right?”
Rob: *Eyes grow large* “Baby, you are not seriously asking me that, are you?”
Kristen: “Humor me!”
Rob: “I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH! I AM NOT EVER GONNA CHEAT ON YOU…”
Tom: “YEAH YOU DO, ROB… WITH Miss PALMER!” *Guffaws* “You know… palm… palm-er” *Clears throat* “Eh-herm... YEAH, KRISTEN... ROB WOULD RATHER EAT DIRT THAN KISS SOMEONE ELSE... Unless, of course, it's for a movie.” *Winks* “AND YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU’RE APART… HE DOES IT HIMSELF!” *Laughs*
Sam: “Oh, is that why Rob has calluses in his hands?” *Smirks*
Tom: “Yup. It’s not really from playing the guitar, ha, Rob?
Rob: “Shut up!”
Kristen: “Um, Tom? Sam? Your women aren’t here… so how have you been doing it then?”
Tom: *Looks perplexed* “Ummmmm” *Focuses on the road*
Sam: *Looks away*
Rob: *Smug**Gathers Kristen in his arms*
Sam: “Going back to this very FAMOUS-Like story…. That’s the magazine who says you spent the night with that Gossip girl in NYC while you were shooting in London or Budapest, right?
Tom: “And the same magazine who claims that Taylor Lautner says Kristen deserves better than you… or something like that, correct?”
Kristen: “Wow! Really? And now you have a secret son, Babe… With photo and name as proof - sort of...Hmm… If they write too much about you wanting to be a young dad, I would think they'd write about you being the doting dad... one who refuses to leave his son to drive nearly 2000 miles just to be with his Twilight co-star." *Giggles* "Because if it were OUR baby, I'm sure you'll be a hands-on Dad... you will spoil our precious Junior!”
Rob: *Smiles his sweetest* “I KNOW HOW TO CORRECT THIS FUCKING CRAP!!!"
Sam, Tom, & Kristen: “How?”
Rob: *Smiles widely, reaching his eyes* ‘BABE, IT’S TIME FOR US TO GET PREGNANT!”
Tom: *Nods*“That may work!”
Sam: *Does a fist pump* “Fucking Genius!!! You’re a genius, Rob!”
Kristen: “Babe… you do have great friends that I can tell you. They’ll stand by you no matter what.” *Rolls eyes* “But, Baby... Really? You’re seriously thinking of us getting pregnant just to prove a point?”
Rob: *Still with a big smile on his face* “NO, BABE. I’VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT IT A LOT LATELY AND WE’VE ALSO TALKED ABOUT IT… SO, I’M JUST THINKING THAT RATHER THAN DOING IT LATER… WHY NOT SOONER?”
Tom: “Yeah, why ever not, Kristen?”
Kristen: "And Breaking Dawn?”
Rob: “Will be perfect… you’re pregnant in the movie and you’ll be pregnant in real life… WITH OUR CHILD!” *Day dreams*
Kristen: “So, once I give birth, you’ll stay at home and I’ll go work. Deal?”
Rob: *Respond rather quickly* “DEAL!”
Tom: “Changing diapers… Feeding… Long nights… Colic…. The crying… No more bar hopping… No more road trips… NO more beers… Can’t smoke… Won’t have time to play guitar…Hmm…. PERFECT!”
Sam: “While Kristen works… doing movies… Kissing scenes…. Love scenes… Sex scenes…”
Rob: *Face turns red* “BABY! YOU ARE QUITTING! WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO LAST US FIVE FUCKING LIFETIME!”
Tom: “So... It's still a "Yes" to the Baby and now a “NO” to Kristen going back to work.”
Sam: “Nice! 24/7 lovin’… Hello parenthood… Hello, 10 children in a row!”
Kristen: “BUT OF COURSE, FAMOUS MAGAZINE WILL CLAIM THAT ROB ISN’T THE FATHER OF MY BABY.”
Rob: *Narrows eyes*“DAMN YOU, FAMOUS MAGAZINE! DAMN YOU!”
Kristen: *Perks up* “Oh, there’s McDonald’s, Babe." *Turns to Tom* "Tom, pull over. I’m hungry! I was feeling wozzy since this morning. I think my tummy didn't agree with breakfast”
Rob: *Beams* “MY BABY’S PREGNANT!”
Tom & Sam: “Oh, shut it, Rob!” *Looks behind them and found R/K Kissing* "Oh, cripes! Already started the process of baby-making"
Rob: "We've started some time ago... !" *Tickles Kristen with his beard!*
Tom and Sam roll their eyes!
I bet these, two, need 800mg Ibuprofen handy!
Eye-rolling causes headache, lol! They'll do that at lot in the next... say... 4 days?!