A FRANTIC ROB...

(*Sigh* The rumor is true... this is just a product of my imagination.)

TayStew's Account of

"The Event"

And so I shut my mouth up and watched Frantic Rob figure out how to keep my sister safe...

"Oh my god... oh my god," my sister's boyfriend, Rob, mumbled over and over as he shoved a neon orange life vest into a 36 x 22 x 22" bulk cargo container; his hands shaking, lips trembling.

"Fuck!  The life saver!" He yelled when he remembered the other important item we went to buy just an hour ago. He ran at a speed of light in the garage and when he came back... Well, let just say he managed to squeeze a fully-inflated, heavy-duty swimming tube into the box. "Kristen needs to be safe!" He reasoned. He's got a point!

"Tay, where the fuck are the liquorish and hot cheetos?" He asked me, opening the grocery bags like a man whose sanity has left him.  "You know Kristen loves those.  Please tell me you didn't already eat them!"

"They're there, Rob," I responded with a sigh. I stood up and helped him look for the items.

"No! I can do this. Go bring in the bottled water from the car. Bring in two cases...No! Bring all the cases! We bought five, right?" He asked me but he wasn't really talking to me. Damn, he didn't even look at me.

So, I got up quietly, grabbed the dolly and brought in all five cases of Dasani. Don't ask me why I did it; but at that time all I could do was help the man my sister loves like crazy fit the five cases of bottled water in the cargo box.

When that was done, he went upstairs to their bedroom to collect more stuff to ship to my sister.  "Help me here, Tay!"  He yelled, his voice a little muffled.  I looked up and all I could do was shake my head.  The sight of Rob carying a bunch of quilt, blankets and pillows in his arms was comical.  The man was on a mission.  I cannot laugh at him.

Somehow, between him and myself, we managed to fit all that, including two flash lights, a dozen masks, and other safety gadgest in the big box.

"Jella!"  My future brother-in-law exclaimed.

Ah God, no! I thought.  I hope he's not thinking what I think he's thinking.  I have to cut the cord here.  "Rob, you are not shipping Jella in the box!"

"Why not?  He'll keep Kristen company," he reasoned with the sound of finality in his voice.

I panicked.  "No!  Kristen will kill you."

Rob looked at me, contemplating whether to rebuttal of just accept defeat and lay off the 'Jella issue.' I heaved a sigh of relief when he turned around to grab the framed photo of him and Kristen from the top of the display cabinet. He meticulously wrapped it in bubble wrap.

I got worried when he was suddenly quiet.

“Rob, are you okay?” I asked.

I saw him nod but he refused to look at me. He, then, carefully placed the wrapped, framed photo into the cargo box, giving it a kiss before tucking it between two pillows.

“Are you crying?” I asked worried. 

"NO!” He snapped. I, however, caught him wiped the tears in his eyes with his knuckles.

“You know, you’re worrying for nothing, Rob.” I finally said in an effort to end his madness.

“What? Your sister’s life is in danger and you tell me not to worry!” He raised his voice but I kept my calm.

“Hurricane Earl is not going to hit New Orleans.” I reminded him flatly. “Earl is not a Katrina, Rob. According to the news that WE BOTH read, it’s going to affect parts of the East Coast.”

“But you don’t know that, Tay! I will not just sit here and do nothing!”

“Well, tell me this then. If New Orleans will be hit by Hurricane Earl, who’s going to deliver your, um, EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS CARGO to Kristen?”

Cricket…. Cricket… Cricket…

“Rob?... Rob?”

“OH MY GOD! YOU ARE RIGHT, TAY! MY BABY’S GOING TO DROWN!”

Then, like a bolt of lighting, he rushed to the bedroom, and less than fifteen minutes later, he came rushing down dragging a black duffel bag and his backpack. He expertly tied the black shoelace wristband around his right wrist and put on his LB cap.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I’m going to save my Kristen and if I’m too late, I’m going to drown with her!” HE WAS NOT KIDDING!

“The paparazzi!” I just had to distract him.

“I don’t give a fuck, Tay. My baby needs me and I’m out of here!”

Before he closed the front door, I dialed my phone… “He’s off!” I said flatly... almost in defeat.

“Yup!  Dean’s already outside waiting for him. He has the plane tickets,” Stephanie Ritz informed me.

“How did you know?” I asked, quite impressed that she called this.  I received a text message from her this morning and asked me to  help Rob today.  I didn't know what she meant then until now.

“Well, as soon as I heard about a hurricane lurking and Kristen being in New Orleans, it wasn’t that hard to figure out,” Stephanie laughed. “Okay, Tay. I already called Kristen to expect Rob tonight.  Do you need help to move the cargo box… errrr…. somewhere?”

I glanced at the humongous brown cargo box a few feet from me and groaned.

Thank God he makes my sister happy, I sighed as I started to unload the giant box.

“I’m okay, Steph. I got it!” I assured her before I hang up.

But just as I was about to move the box, my cellphone rang.  I sort of cringed when I saw the number.

"Hey, Tay!  It's Tom!"  The son of a bitch was celebrating. "You owe me two hundred bucks!"

Yup!  I lost the bet!  I guess I had more faith in Rob's sanity than his closest friends.  I should have listened to Kristen.  I should have known better because like Rob, Kristen is as bad.  If the situation was reversed, Kristen would have flown anywhere in the world to be with Rob.

Fuck love!