A DONE DEAL

Rob, joins his family at his parents’ home for lunch.  He went straight looking for his Nana to give her a hug.  Oh, how he missed her.

He found his Nana in the living room, watching TV.

Rob:  “Nana, I’m here.  I miss you.”  *Bends down kiss to his Nana’s head.”

Nana:  *Scowls* “You! You, spoiled, selfish… utterly inconsiderate young man!”

Rob: *Stunned* “What?”

Nana:  “You’d rather party… drink beer with your mates… rather than make her dream… OUR DREAMS… come to reality.”

Rob:  “Hold on, Nana… What are you talking about?”

Nana:  “And you left her there by herself…” *sighs sadly* …. “She waits for you to make up your mind, hoping you're there for her… You can’t even support her!”

Rob:  “Nana, are we talking about Kristen?”

Nana:  *Shakes head*  “Are we talking about Kristen, he asked!  Who else?  That poor… poor… little darling…”  *Sighs heavily*

Rob:  *Puts arm around Nana’s shoulders* “Nana, let’s start from the beginning.  Please, let me understand what this is all about.”

Nana:  “Oh, Robert!  You have to let her know it’s also what you want!”

Rob:  *Furrows brows*  “Nana, did you just talk to Kristen?”

Nana:  “I don’t have to talk to Kristen to know what’s going on.  All the while I thought it was she who didn’t want it because she’s so young and at the peak of her career.  But hearing her… gladly announcing to the world that she can’t wait…” *Sighs again*

Rob:  “NANA, WHAT IS IT?”

*Rob’s sister joins in, smiling widely.*

Vicky:  “You’re in trouble, aren’t you?”

Rob:  “I am and I don’t know why or how?”

Nana:  *Turns to face Rob*  “KRISTEN CAN’T WAIT TO GET PREGNANT & YOU’RE NOT HELPING HER!”

Rob:  “What?”

Vicky:  *Laughs, then whispers to Rob* “She’s been watching a lot of your stuff lately.”

Rob:  “So?”

Vicky:  “She just finished watching Comic Con 2009.”

Rob: “I still don’t get it.”

Vicky:  “I CAN’T WAIT TO GET PREGNANT?  Ring a bell?”

Rob:  *Eyes grow wide*  “Nana, Kristen was just joking!”

Vicky:  “Yup.  Convince her.  She doesn’t believe me when I told her that.”  *Walks away*

*Rob decides to call Kristen.*

Rob:  “Hi, baby… Yup, I’m okay.  Everything’s fine with you?... Mm-Hhm… Yup!... Yeah… Well Nana is here and I need you to tell her something…”

*Nana snatches the phone from Rob*

Nana:  “Kristen, darling… are you alright?.... That’s good to hear… Are you taking good care of yourself?  Yes… Well, sweetheart, I just saw that Comic Con… A-ha...Yes, last year… And you said YOU CAN’T WAIT TO GET PREGNANT…. Aww….. Is that right?  When?  November you said?  Really?  Oh, darling....*

*Fifteen minutes later*

*Nana pointed her index finger at Rob, fuming mad*

Nana:  “YOU GO BACK TO L.A., ASSURE YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT YOU WILL SUPPORT HER… THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BY HER SIDE… DO YOU HEAR ME?...”  *Calms down*  “Now, why don’t you go get something to eat and tell me how you’re doing, my love.” 

*NanaPats Rob’s arm… then smiles.. then starts to sway her hips and starts to dance the Victory dance*

Nana: *Sing-songing*  “I’m going to be a Great Grandma soon…”

*Rob decides to call Kristen again.*

Rob: “Babe, it’s me again.”

Kristen:  “Hi, honey.  So, did you tell Nana the whole story?  Did she like it?”

Rob:  “She was mad at me… then she was happy and dancing… I swear she’s singing that she’s going to be great grandma soon.”

Kristen:  *In stern voice* “Robert Thomas Pattinson, are you cheating on me?”

Rob:  “What the fuck, Kristen?  What kind of a question is that?”

Kristen:  “So, who’s bearing your child?”

Rob:  “You tell me!”

Kristen:  *Sighs* “Baby, I think Nana is confused.  She asked about when I said I can’t wait to get pregnant ... and so I told her that I’m going to get pregnant in November, and then you will not be supportive about the pregnancy… Well, you know how Breaking Dawn carried the story of Edward and Bella… And I told Nana to ask you to tell her the rest…”

Rob:  “Baby, listen to me…”  *SERIOUS VOICE*  “Nana thought that it’s all real.  She somehow missed the part that it’s for Breaking Dawn!”

Kristen:  “Owwwww….”

Rob:  “Damn!”  *Takes deep breaths*  “Well, I guess I have to burst her bubble.”

Kristen:  *In low voice* “Well, we have time…”

Rob:  “B-Baby?”

Kristen:  “It’s just too bad you’re not here….We could practice, you know... Maybe start making a wish come true.”

Rob:  “Fuck!”

Kristen:  *Sighs dramatically* “But you're there and I’m here... in OUR bedroom… Naked… Thinking of you…”  *Makes little sexy sound* …. “Wishing you’re here… touching me…”

Rob: “KRISTEN!  YOU BETTER NOT BE KIDDING ME.  I’M COMING!”

Kristen:  *Giggles* “When you’re ready, baby… I’m here waiting…”

Rob:  “NANA!  I’M TAKING YOUR ADVISE!”

Kristen:  *Mutters to herself*  “Oh, shit! I’m in trouble!”

Rob:  “Oh yeah, you are, Baby!  Better believe it!”

Kristen: “Nine fucking months?!”

Rob:  “And we’ll lay off beer and cigarettes!”

Kristen:  “Maybe you should talk to Na—”

Rob:  “Sorry, babe!  IT’S A DONE DEAL!”

*Rob hangs up, then dances with Nana… holds her hand and twirls her around… then sings along with Nana…*