Saturday, August 21, 2010

Kristen's Diary Entry #001

Kristen's Diary Entry:

Dear Diary,

Being the only female in our family sucks sometimes. Dont' get me wrong, I love my boys to death (I love them more than my life)... And yes, including my husband. LOL. I meant, ESPECIALLY MY HUSBAND! After five (almost six) years together as husband and wife, he still makes me fall for him a bit more everyday... Fucking sappy as this may sound but it's the fucking truth!

From the very beginning, I knew Rob was a possessive fuck; jealous to no end. That I handled well because I found it rather hot! In fact it was hotter than hell! But guess what? We have 4 boys: 5 years old, 4, 1, and the fourth is still in the oven --- 5 more months to go. *Sigh*

Anyway, the sexiest man alive for two consecutive years that is my husband, thought that if he could not keep me locked in the den, he'd keep me pregnant! He's been successful so far! If someone had told me when I was 18 that I'd be married with four kids at 26 I would have flipped them the bird! Truth is, I haven't been flipping or cursing (only when I write)... that much... because of my little boys (well, Rob will tell you otherwise... Wink!).

Going back to my story... Well, I guested at the Tonight Show the other day. Since it was Friday, Rob decided to go with me with the boys. When we arrived at the studio, I changed into what my stylist had chosen for me to wear, a rather sexy, baby doll dress for me to wear (to conceal the baby bump, I guess). I was promoting my latest flick.

Rob played with the boys while the make-up artist and the hair dresser prepped me. Once done, I approached my boys and asked for their opinion (they don't see mommy fully made up very often). Lo and behold! My eldest son started to fret. "NO, MOMMY! YOU' ARE NOT WEARING THAT!" And my 4-year old agreed. "Take those colors off your face, mommy!" He begged, almost in tears. But no one can top my 1 year old who started crying and offering himself to me. And Guess what? Yup! There was this proud smirk splattered on my husband's face! Jerk! Obviously, the boys are doing a great job doing daddy's job!

My eldest gripped both of my hands totally livid. "DADDY, DO SOMETHING! DON'T LET MOMMY WEAR THAT THING!" And Rob, still with that fucking smirk said, "Baby, I guess you'd better change!" I almost did but a crew member came to tell me that I was next.

Rob "took care" of the boys as I walked to join Jay Leno for a short interview. I can laugh now but when it happened, I was totally embarassed! My youngest was screaming "Mommy!"  And my eldest yelling me to go back; and my middle child ran to the stage to join me! I look back and poor Rob was having difficulty calming our youngs and our eldest. Obviously, Jay thought it was endearing and the audience Awwwwed and Ahhhed! (I guess my boys's antics helped the rating rise to the roof!... The clip on youtube now has over a million hits!)... Un-fucking-believable.

In the end, Rob and our boys joined me and yes, our youngest sat on my lap... and yes, our eldest had the same smile my husband wore the whole fucking time!

Jay showed a snippet of the movie I was promoting. It was the scene where I kissed the lead actor on the lips. It was a smack for crying out loud. My eldest wasn't happy about it because he exclaimed, "MY MOMMY KISSES MY DADDY LONGER THAN THAT! THEY KISS ALL THE TIME!" Jay and the audience laughed and cheered. My middle child, then added, "YEAH! THEY EVEN KISS IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM!" Rob covered our son's mouth with his hand but it was way too late. *sigh*

I was embarassed. Rob was on cloud 9. My kids were proud "protecting" mommy! What can I say, dear diary?

Mom came by today to drop off countless magazines where our family graced the cover! We were told the magazines are selling like pancakes, much to my dismay!

So, you see, dear diary... It sucks being the only female in our home... but I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm really looking forward to welcoming our new addition in five months.

Oh... today, by the way, our eldest found Rob's "Remember Me" DVD and has been nagging me to put it in the DVD player (yup! we still have DVDs). I'm tempted to play it for him just to get even with Rob...

I guess when my son sees the movies, he wouldn't let Rob leave the house anymore!

It's a thought!



  1. Ofie!!! What an amazing surprise! Luv-it! <333 It's going to be awesome to find your R&K short-fics (plus your funnies?) in one place! We're going to have many laughs here together, I bet! :)
    thx, sweetie!

  2. ate ofie thanks for making this blog I really love your fics and funnies well because they are super funny hehehe

  3. It was fanFUCKINGtastic! Loved it!

  4. Thank you very much for your encouraging messages. I very much appreciate your kind words.--- @Ate_Ofie