GET OFF MY DICK

NOTE:  (Photo by @RobStenation)...

And I don't know whether Rob keeps a diary or not... Probably, not! Which means,

I'm using my "psychic ability"... Tee-hee...

as my guide... In short, my dear friends,

 this is fiction! But thank you so,

so much for reading! Hugz--- Ofie

Dear Diary,

What?  You can't fault me for wearing this smug look on my face!  Hey, I fucking earned it.  I'm as giddy as Alice Cullen who'd just consumed a dozen Red Bull!

This morning, as I watched my babe, Kristen, leave for work, I couldn't help the feeling of pride and contentment that burst from inside of me. 

What can I say?  My baby knows how to make a STATEMENT without muttering a word!  She's awesome like that.  When she makes a point, she screams it without making a sound!  I fucking love her, dear diary!  And that.. that there... that girl wearing my shirt... is the girl who loves me just as much.  My girl.  My Kristen.

Well, you see, today, my Kristen wore my "GET OFF MY DICK" t-shirt!  And boy, did she look perfect!  PERFECT IN EVERY FUCKING WAY! 

She winked and blew me a kiss then worked her robust butt as she walked toward the car.  I was beaming brighter than the sun, let me tell you.  My girl was telling the world that MY DICK IS HERS! AND THEY BETTER LEAVE MY DICK ALONE! Ha! Like she needs to worry about that.  Of course my fucktastic-long-horn that is my dick--- hehehe--- belongs only to her.  She can do whatever she wants with it!  She has my no-expiration-date consent.

Photos of her in my shirt will surely be posted online.  I can't help but smile, dear diary, imagining what people will think.  I'm going to log on later to see... It's gonna be awesome!  It fascinates me how people's mind work.  It's entertaining.  Now, let me predict what will be said about my baby wearing my Get Off My Dick t-shirt or what's now known as GOMD shirt:

Obviously, there will be some who will say that it's not the same shirt.  This group of people will refuse to acknowledge that my baby and I are for real.  That's okay, though.  It's not like we have to prove it to them or to anyone for that matter.

The next group of people will surely know that it's the same shirt I was seen wearing... that IT IS MY SHIRT SHE IS WEARING!  Their faith in us amazes me. 

GET OFF MY DICK... Wow... Some people will think that it's Kristen's way of saying... Wait... Fuck!  Will there be people who will think that Kristen meant her dick? Like, she literally owns a dangling organ tissue that has a mind of its own?  That eight-inch glory that twitches, jerks, and jumps when it's excited? Shit! That's fucked up!  No way!   She's got a pussy!  A lovely, sweet one at that!   Hell, why would they think otherwise?   Does this mean they will also conclude that since Kristen has the dick, then I have the pussy?  Holy mother of crap!  What has this world turned into?  I mean, do we need proofs that Kristen meant my dick and not literally hers?  Jezzwizz!  Fuck! I am a man.  It's my dick.  It's my shirt.  She's a woman; with a pussy who happens to own my dick and who happens to wear my shirt!  My dick is her dick!... Damn, did I say that right?  Shit, I have a headache now.  Anyway, only those crazy fucks would think that.  I'm not wasting anymore time thinking about this.  Done!

Now... The world will see that Kristen Jaymes Stewart belongs to me.  Me.  Robert Thomas Pattinson... that we belong to each other.  How many times had she worn my shirt and yet they still doubted what was in front of them?  Still, they go on asking, "are they or are they not?"  It's silly, really. 

Another thing... I hope that others will NOT think that Kristen's wearing my GOMD t-shirt is an indication that she wears the pants in our relationship.  They don't know!  My baby is the sweetest.  We have mutual respect.  Period.

Anyway... my baby is wearing me... She's proud to belong to me... 

Damn, dear diary... this wore me out! 

I'd better shower then go see my baby.  I miss her already. I will continue our little discussion here when I get the chance later.  I gotta go coz I gotta get ready... Oh, damn!  THAT WAS MY LAST CLEAN SHIRT! 

I guess I gotta do laundry...

Rob