Thursday, September 9, 2010

THE FUTURE LOOKS PROMISING

(Note: Picture used belongs to its owner. I found it at a forum and it's photoshopped; since the girl with them had been removed. Thank you. I hope you don't mind me using this photo).
________________________________

MADAM FUTURA SEES THE FUTURE!

AURA READING, $10.00; PALM READING $25.00; CRYSTAL BALL READING, $30.00; TAROT CARD READING; $ 50.00; PACKAGE DEAL (AURA, PALM, CRYSTAL BALL, AND TAROT CARD READING, ONLY $75.00) CANDLE OFFERING, EXTRA $5.00.
__________________________
Sam: “Whoa! That’s interesting. A fortune teller. Let’s try it!”

Tom: “You believe that crap?”

Sam: “For fun! Let’s go. Rob, turn around. We’ll have our future read.”

Tom: “Why the hell not? Rob, make a U-wee at the next light!”

Rob: “Fine!”
____________________________________________________________

The Brit Boys entered Madam Futura’s “Thinking Room.” Rob spotted the fortune teller, sitting in the dark corner of the room; seven candles burning around on the table. The middle-aged fortune teller was wearing a black veil over her white dress. On the left side of her blouse was an embroidered monogram of her initials. Rob guffawed!

Tom: “Dude, don’t laugh at her or she’ll give you bad luck!”

Rob: “See the embroidered letters on her dress?”

Tom: “Yes. It’s not hard to figure out. Two letters for her alias. Madam Futura.”

Rob: *Smirks* “Dude. MF – Mother Fucker! Could be Madam Futura, too. But Mother Fucker is more appropriate.

Sam: “Shh! She’s coming.”

MF: “Welcome. I see that one of you is a cynic.”

Rob: “Um.. Make that three!”

Sam and Tom suppressed a giggle.

MF: “Do you want to see your future young men?”

Rob: “Um, you’re a fortune teller, shouldn’t you have seen that in your crystal ball, like a few minutes ago.”

Tom: “Rob, she doesn’t need a crystal ball to SEE we’re here to have our future read to us. We’re here, aren’t we?”

Sam: “Unless, of course, she sells beer!”

Rob, Tom, and Sam laughed.

MF: “You’re laughing now but you’ll leave this room believers...”

Rob: “Not gonna happen. I’m not a Justin Bieber fan.”

Tom: “Baby… baby… baby…”

MF: “So, you’re comedians…”

Rob: “Oops! Strike one! No, Madam. We’re not comedians.”

MF: *Looks menacingly at the Brit Boys*

Sam: “Tarot Card reading! Yeah, please.”

MF: “Very well… come and have a seat.” *Madam shuffles the cards and laid three cards on the table. “You’re not from here…”

Rob: *Laughs* “Did our accent give that away?”

Sam: “Ssh!”

MF: “You!” *Pointed at Rob* “There’s a woman…”

Rob: “Abso-fucking-lutely! I’m straight!”

Tom: “I don’t bend the other way, either!”

Sam: “I never once doubted my manhood!”

MF: *Breathes deep* “She’s not with you right now…”

Rob: “I don’t see her here, do you?”

Tom: “I swear to you, madam, we didn’t kill her, wrapped her in plastic, and shoved her in the trunk.”

MF: “That’s enough!”

Rob: “So, does she love me?”

Tom: “Pay me $75.00 and I’ll tell you.”

Sam: “I’ll beat that. Give me $50 and I’ll tell you!”

MF: “Do you want me to continue?” *In her sarcastic voice*

Rob: “Your tarot card didn’t tell you that?”

MF: *Ignoring Rob and continues to draw a card* “Ahhh… One of your friends has feelings for your girl.”

Sam: “Ah-Oh! You don’t want to go there!”

Rob: “Draw another card!” *Face now serious*

MF: *Smiles* “The girl who’s meant for you… Your future wife…. The mother of your children… Her name begins with a letter A!”

Rob: “Fuck! Draw again!”

MF: “No! Not A! J? The girl’s name begins with a letter J!”

Rob: “Again!” *Voice becoming agitated*

MF: “Oh. These cards are leading me to Letter…….Um, to letter... Letter K?”

Rob: “YES! YOU ARE GOOD! See, Tom, Sam! This lady tells the truth! She can see the future!” *Turns to MF* “So, who between these two has the hots for my girl?”

Sam and Tom glare at MF

MF: *Wiggles in her chair* “Ummm…. Let’s ask the card!” *Draws 3 more cards* “Oh, the card said this friend of yours find your girl beautiful but knows that you and her are meant to be together. That’s all. Just a, um, crush… you know… crush?”

Rob: “So, who?” *Firm, no-non-sense voice*

MF: *Stares at Rob for a long time...then gasps*

Rob: “WHO?”

MF: “IT’S JACOB! JACOB BLACK!”

Rob: “Mother Fucker!”
____________________________________________________________

Sam: “I can’t believe that woman! She even asked for your autograph.”

Tom: “See, I told you from the beginning she’s fake!”

Rob: “NO, SHE’S NOT FAKE. SHE SAW IT. THE NAME OF THE WOMAN MEANT FOR ME BEGINS WITH A LETTER K!”

Sam: “I could have told you that for FREE, Rob!”

Tom: “Dude, you fuckin’ paid her double!”

Rob: “It's worth it!”

Sam: “You got screwed. You’re right the first time, Rob. She’s a Mother Fucker!”

Rob: “NO! TAROT CARDS DON'T LIE! IT SAYS KRISTEN'S GOING TO BE MY WIFE AND MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN... CHILDREN! NOT CHILD. CHILDREN! MEANING, WE’LL HAVE MORE THAN 1 KID!!!

Sam: *Laughs* “I’m telling Kristen!”

Tom: “No, I’ll tell her!”

Rob: “Don't forget to tell her about Jacob Black!....That bastard!!!”

4 comments:

  1. bwhahaha..... OMG! that was epic! i cant stop laughing! with the first letter names..lol..oh rob... everyone knows your meant to be, dont need MFs out there doubting so...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just LOVE your every little post!!~ GREAT job, baby!~ Keep up!!~

    Mon

    ReplyDelete
  3. As i said before, you make my days/nites, i laugh like an idiot and i think my family(sometimes) thinks i'm a little crazy.I sit in front my laptop and when i see your blog, pffff, here we go LMAO! Love it! Believe me!
    And you can send me it via twitter too, don't worry, you are WELCOME to my twitter, you know it! :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think this may have been the funniest one yet. I did not see the JB coming. That was hilarious. And I could have told Rob that Kristen will be his wife and the mother of his children for free too. Good writing. This site is awesome!

    ReplyDelete