"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU, HUBBY & WIFEY"

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Shooting Breaking Dawn – Wedding Reception

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Bill:  *Sits down, then gets up*  “Rob…”

Rob:  *Furrows brows* “Did I suck?”

Bill:  *Shakes head*  “Oh, no! Not at all.  In fact your acting was excellent!”

Rob:  *Beams*  “Great!  I thought for a while there…”

Bill:  “One thing though…”

Rob:  “Ah-Oh!”

Bill:  *Sighs*  “No.  It’s not so bad…”

Rob:  “What is it?”

Bill:  “Could you try to lay off the word 'wife' a bit… you know what I mean?”

Rob:  *Looks blankly at Bill*

Bill:  “I mean… When you introduce Bella to the Denalis and the guests… you don’t have to say, “This is my wife.  My Wife.”  or  “Wife o f mine, I’d like you to meet Tanya…” *Sighs* "... Or when you refer to Bella, it’s kind of going overboard saying,  “You want to dance, Wife?” of “You are my Wife and I love you, my darling Wife!”… Don’t you think it’s too much?”

Rob:  *Nods head*  “Sorry, Bill.  I wasn’t aware I was doing that.  But now that you told me… I’ll watch myself.”

Bill:  “Very Good!  Now, I need to speak with Kristen.”

Rob:  “Oh, let me call her….”  *Turns around and looks for Kristen; then smiles when he spotted her.  Starts yelling*  “WIFEY!!! MY BEAUTIFUL, WIFE!!!”  *Waves hand* “OVER HERE, WIFE OF MINE!!! BILL WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!!!”

Bill:  *Stunned*  “Well… I TRIED!!!”

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Bill:  “Kristen, I want you to know that I admire you as an actress. You really are something!”

Kristen:  *Smiles shyly*  “Oh, thank you, Bill.  I’m really trying.  This franchise is very dear to me and I love everyone here.”

Bill:  *Smirks*  “Oh, yeah?... Including the new ones?”

Kristen:  “Of course!  We’re, like, one big family here!  It’s awesome, actually!” *Looks seriously at Bill*  “Is there anything that maybe I could improve on?”

Bill:  “Oh, you’re excellent!”  *Holds Kristen’s hands*  “There is maybe… um… one thing!”

Kristen:  *Panics* “Yeah?”

Bill:  “It’s no big deal… But maybe… Maybe you could take it easy on Tanya a little bit… please…”

Kristen:  *Surprised look on her face*  “Was I… I mean… Bella was apprehensive about meeting her... So….”

Bill:  “That I agree!  Bella’s a little jealous of her!”

Kristen:  “NO, SHE’S FUCKIN’ NOT!”  *Responded rather quickly*  “I mean… like I said… BELLA is apprehensive about meeting her because the bitch wanted my man…” *Looks away*  “… I mean, she wanted Edward!”

Bill:  *Grins*  “Just remember that she’s just the actress playing Tanya.  She’s been a little nervous since we started shooting, Kristen... Because honestly… who wouldn’t?”

Kristen:  “What do you mean?”

Bill:  “Well, let’s put it this way…. IF LOOKS COULD KILL!”

Kristen:  “OH!  Well… I was not aware. I’ll try to, as BELLA, not to get too concerned, then.”  *Scowls*  “Think about this though… BELLA has all the reasons in the world to throw mean looks at that girl… She freakin’ tried to mate with MY MAN! THAT’S NOT FUCKIN’ ACCEPTABLE!”

Bill:  “But Kristen… It’s EDWARD that TANYA was after.  NOT ROB!”

Kristen:  “I am thinking about BELLA’s point of view, Bill!  I know that TANYA was after EDWARD…”  *Crunches nose*  “BECAUSE, BELIEVE ME… IF SHE’S AFTER MY ROB…”

Bill:  “Okay… Okay…”  *Looks pleadingly at Kristen*  “But can BELLA try… PLEASE?”

Kristen:  “OF COURSE!  BELLA HAS A GOOD HEART!”

Bill:  “Excellent!  That’s all I’m asking.  Okay, now I have to talk to MyAnna (playing as Tanya)… Oh, she’s coming.”

Kristen:  *Stands up to leave… Meets MyAnna at the door… Flashes her one of her signature looks*  “YOU. ARE. IN. MY. WAY!”  (Yeah.  THAT look!)

MyAnna: *Fliches, then steps back*

Kristen:  *Smiles*  “WHY, THANK YOU!”  (Yup!  THAT smile, too!)

Bill:  *Astounded*  “Ooo-Kaaayyyyy…” *Matters to self*  “DEAR LORD!!!”