YEAR 2016
Rob, Jr.: “Daddy, can we go to Sea World in San Diego
Rob: *Stern voice* NO!
Rob, Jr.: “But, why not?”
Rob: *Looks away* “Um, because your brothers are still too young!... We have to wait until they’re a little older.”
Rob, Jr.: “Well, I’m five and my brothers are 4 and 2! We’re all big now, Daddy!!!
Rob: *Sighs* “Why do you want to go to Sea World? Why not Disneyland or Universal Studios?”
Rob, Jr.: “I want to see the dolphins, Daddy… I want to play with them… swim with them…”
Rob: *Cringes* “Dolphins are vicious, son!!!”
Rob, Jr.: “NO!!! That’s not what the TV says!!!”
Rob: “Well, they don’t know what they’re talking about!”
Rob, Jr.: “Mommyyyyyyyy!!!”
Rob: “Shhh..Shhh… okay…okay…”
Kristen: “Rob, what are you telling your son again?”
Rob: “What? I’m not doing anything. Your son wants to go to San Diego
Kristen: *Squints her eyes at Rob and turns to Rob, Jr.* “Robbie, sweetie, what’s the matter?”
Rob, Jr.: “I want to go to Sea World, Mommy, in San Diego
Kristen: “Well, let’s ask Daddy.” *Raises eyebrow at Rob*
Rob, Jr.: *Whines* “But Dad will say no. He says DOLPHINS ARE VICIOUS!”
Kristen: *Suppresses laughter* “He did?!? Hmm… Um… Well…” *Turns to Rob* “Let’s ask Daddy why he thinks Dolphins are vicious.”
Rob, Jr.: “Yeah, Dad. What’s wrong with dolphins?”
Rob: “They, um…” *Glares at Kristen*
Kristen: *Starting to lose it!* “Yes?”
Rob: “THEY’RE SCARY CREATURES!!!”
Kristen: *Guffaws* “Oh, God! Yeah! I remember…” *Laughs harder*
Rob: “AND THEY ARE UNPREDICTABLE!!!”
Kristen: "THAT, THEY ARE!" *Now laughing uncontrollably*
Rob, Jr.: *Eyes his parents* “Dolphins are cool!” *Starts to tear up*
Kristen: *Takes son into her arms* “Oh, baby… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to laugh like that… It’s just that Daddy has an unfortunate experience with dolphins in Brazil
Rob: “KRISTEN!!! Jeez!!! Let it go…" *Scrathes head* "Fine, we’ll go this weekend!”
Rob, Jr.: *Beams* “Yey!!! I’m gonna tell my brothers!!!” *Runs upstairs*
Kristen: *Continues to laugh hard* “Oh, God…!!!”
Rob: *Flashes dirty look at Kristen* “Quit while you’re ahead!”
Kristen: “Well, if you didn’t have to be Mr. Know-It-All… You would have known that Dolphins…”
Rob: *Tackles Kristen* “Shut up…”
Kristen: “Rob, stop it!” *giggles*
Rob: “Promise you’ll forget about those fuckin’ dolphins!”
Kristen: *Smirks* “Rob, baby… SHARKS!!! Those were SHARKS!!! Not Dolphins!!! You don’t swim and play with SHARKS!!!
Rob: “You’re laughing now but you were hysterical then…”
Kristen: *Chuckles* “WELL, YOU FUCKIN’ JUMP OFF THE BOAT!!!”
Rob: “In my defense… We were supposed to be with the dolphins and I thought we already reached our destination. The boat freakin’ stopped!!!”
Kristen: “Because you asked them to fuckin’ stop!!!”
Rob: “Technicalities!!!”
Kristen: *Snorts* “Yeah, thank god we have, like, dozens of lifesavers in the boat… Even your bodyguards got scared with your life!”
Rob: “I have to tell you, though, I didn’t know why everyone started screaming once I jumped. I wasn’t aware my life was in danger! I thought that when the crew jumped in the water that they wanted to join me…”
Kristen: “They jumped to save you, dumbass!!!” *guffawed*
Rob: “Potato-potayto, tomato-tomayto… They jumped, too!!! So…”
Kristen: “You were quiet the whole time after that, I got so worried.”
Rob: *Mumbles*
Kristen: “What?”
Rob: “I SAID… I WAS FUCKIN’ EMBARRASSED! I wasn’t scared at all because I didn’t know my life was in danger to begin with! I was pulled out from the water before I knew I was the shark’s lunch!”
Kristen: *Kisses Rob* “Aww, Baby... YOU WERE SO BRAVE! MY VERY OWN, SHARKMAN!"
Rob: *Flexes muscles*
Kristen: *Shakes head* "So, we’re really going to Sea World on Saturday?”
Rob: “I already said yes to Robbie. So yeah!”
Kristen: “Well, SHARKMAN, prepare to swim and play with the dolphins!”
ROB: “NOT IN THIS LIFETIME, WE'RE NOT!!!!”
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