YEAH!!! IT'S THAT HOTTTT!!!!

Bill Condon:  “CUT!”  *Exasperated, he walks toward Rob & Kristen*

Robert: *Innocent Eyes* 

Kristen: *Sits on Rob's lap*

Bill Condon:  *Shakes head in defeat* “Okay… Rob, Kristen… Let’s go over this one more time…for the tenth time…”  *Turns to Kristen*  “Kristen, when you come out from the bathroom wearing just that…” *Points at Kristen*

Kristen:  “This sexy, black thing here, Bill, is called teddy lingerie.”  *Runs fingers over the lacy material* 

Rob:  *Wraps arms around Kristen* “This hot thing here, by the way…” *gesturing towards Kristen’s attire*  “…Is in the book.  Page 101.  So, Stephanie cannot overrule her own creation.  My baby is just naturally hot!”

Bill Condon:  *Exhales* “We don’t have problems with costumes... But, guys, listen… Let’s not forget about Edward and Bella, okay?  Rob and Kristen are not in this room.  Edward and Bella are.”

Rob & Kristen: *Roll their eyes* “Fine!”

Fifteen Minutes Later:

Bill Condon:  “No! No! No!  CUT!!!  CUT!!!”

Rob: “What?”

Kristen:  “ I thought we were doing great.”

Bill Condon:  “Kristen… When you come out from the bathroom, you don’t start strutting; moving your hips side to side; squatting down, then up; sticking your butt like that… then starts giving Rob a lapdance…”

Kristen:  *Nods*  “Was that too much?”

Rob:  “Why the hell not?!?  Bella was supposed to be doing anything and everything to get Edward’s attention… And Bella was succeeding one hundred percent!”

Bill Condon: *Glares at Rob*  “And you!!! You don’t start howling, giving Kristen a catcall; whistling and clapping your hands excitedly…. Then pulling Kristen onto your lap…” *Glances at Kristen*  “…And Kristen, you don’t straddle Rob… AT ALL… in this scene!”

Rob:  *Shrugs shoulders*  “I guess… It’s just that we do it all the time that it’s easy to forget we’re working here.”

Kristen:  “Okay, Bill.  Sorry. We’ll be more mindful.  Everyone is tired.”

*Twenty Minutes later*

Bill Condon:  “Damn it!  CUT!!!”

Kristen:  “What now?!?”

Bill Condon:  “Rob, you gave the perfect Edward reaction when Bella came out looking so desirable… But let’s stick with the dialogue here, okay.  WE DO NOT AD LIB!!!”

Rob:  *Confused*  “Why, what did I say?”

Kristen:  *Just as confused*  “The lines were perfect, Bill.”

Bill Condon:  *Flings hands in the air*  “Rob… YOU DON’T SAY, AND I QUOTE, FUCK, BABY! YOU LOOK HOT!  I HAVE A FUCKING MASSIVE WOODY JUST LOOKING AT YOU.  I CAN’T WAIT TO TAKE THAT OFF YOU AND BE INSIDE YOU!...”  *Points at Kristen*  “… And Kristen, you don’t go saying, FUCK, BABY, I’M WET FOR YOU. TAKE ME.  NOW!”

Rob:  “What took you so long to say CUT!”

Bill Condon:  “I was screaming CUT from the top of my lungs but you were on your own fucking world!  Why do you think I had to sit on this bed and literally pull Kristen off of you, Rob?”

Rob:  “OH.”

Kristen:  *Blushes*  “We’re so sorry, Bill.  We’re really going to concentrate this time.”

Rob:  “But we have been, babe!”

Bill Condon:  “I KNOW!”

*One and a half hours later*

Bill Condon:  “CUT!”

Kristen:  “Now what?”

Rob:  *Curses*

Bill Condon:  “ROB, YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR BELLA TO SCREAM… Then, WAKE HER UP FROM HER NIGHTMARE… COMFORTS HER… THEN SAY YOUR LINES… THEN SHE SAYS, PLEASE… AND THAT’S WHEN YOU START ATTACKING HER MOUTH…OKAY?”

Rob:  *Claps hands* ”… THEN WE MAKE LOVE???!!!”

Bill Condon: *Chuckles* “Right.  JUST REMEMBER:  EDWARD DIDN’T MAKE LOVE TO BELLA BEFORE THE NIGHTMARE.”

*ONE HOUR LATER*

Bill Condon:  *Speaks softly* “Um… Crew! We got the shot.  That’s a wrap.  We’re done here.  Just… Just leave the two alone… The last one to leave, please lock the door to give them privacy.”  *Sighs very deeply*

*Overheard by the LAST ONE TO LEAVE THE ROOM as he locks the door…*

Kristen:  “Again! Again!”

Rob:  “Oh, baby…I thought you’ll never ask!”

*****The End*****

***Thank you to the owners of the photos used in this post***