I’m quite tired after our family gathering this Thanksgiving, so I’ll be brief. Here are the things I’VE, OVERHEARD, LEARNED, and REALIZED THIS THANKSGIVING…
My Dad Rob to My Mom Kristen: *Whispering* “Baby, turkey doesn’t make me sleepy… it makes me horny.”
Mom Kristen: *Giggles, then kisses Dad’s lips*
Uncle Tay: “Guys, please ! We could hear you! Jeez!”
Uncle Cam: *Laughing* “And we haven’t started dinner yet! What are you, two, going to do during dessert?!?
GranpaStew: “Um, Kristen, sweetie, can you let go of Rob for a minute, please, so we can say ‘Grace’?!?”
GrandmaStew: “Rob, honey, hands on the table.”
1. While curled up under the dining table, I learned that my mommy loves to pet my daddy’s crotch… A
2. Daddy’s voice got low and husky. He also cleared his throat a lot when mommy gripped his crotch. Daddy also batted his eyelashes; and took him forever to respond to a question, even the simplest ones that were answerable by yes or no.
a. This amused mommy a lot.
b. This made Grandma and Grandpa Stew suspicious and nervous. (I heard them talking about it in the kitchen while they were by themselves).
3. GranpaStew and GrandmaStew would look at each other every time daddy and mommy feed, then, kiss each other. (Like every bite!)
a. This made GrandmaStew happy and even silently mutters, “pretty grandbabies!”
b. This makes GrandpaStew tear up and silently mumble, “I’ve lost my baby girl forever!”
c. This makes my uncles roll their eyes! Every time.
4. The dinner was too long---- (According to my dad, that is!)
a. Mommy’s reply was: *Whispering* “Patience, baby! I’ll be good to you tonight!”
b. Daddy’s reply was: *Whispering* “But I want you bad! Really bad!”
c. My uncles’ exclaimed: *Whining* “Oh, god!!!”
5. Mommy sat on daddy’s lap almost the whole night.
a. I heard mommy say that it’s comfortable.
b. I heeard Uncle Tay said that mommy’s just helping dad hide his ‘Pecking Pecker’ (whatever that means!).
c. This made my dad a very happy baby!
6. While watching the movie after dinner, as my mom sat comfortably on my daddy’s lap (of course)… And when no one was watching, my dad subtly pinched those two peanut-like-sprouts on my mommy’s chest.
7. That Louis and Anna don’t have a baton to groove. They have baton-huge! (God! How huge could the baton be?!?).
8. It looks like breaking dawn will take a while (sigh). My parents will have to stay with Louis and Anna for months! Cripes! This dawn is something, I tell you! It's gonna be tough to break it!
9. I've learned that there are plenty of ways to eat a pie with whipped cream on top:
i. When around family members and on the dining table, a pie – pumpkin pie for instance – is served on the nicely decorated dining table, on a nice dessert plate, scooped with a dessert utensil, and is eaten with dessert fork.
ii. When in the living room, while watching a movie with family members, as you sit next to your “baby;” position the dessert plate that holds the pie with whipped cream on your thigh; scoop the dessert with your finger, and feed it to your “baby.”
iii. When finally alone in the bedroom, after spending time with family… This practice is quite tedious, by the way: But here are the step:
iv. The daddy should take off the mommy’s clothes, then his.
v. The daddy, then, lays the mommy down gently or roughly (usually the first time is gentle, but the succeeding round are kind of rough… I still have not found out what that is) on the bed, while kissing her all over.
vi. After what the daddy and the mommy refer to as “heavy make out session,” the daddy, then, slices a piece of that delicious pumpkin pie and serves it on the mommy’s tummy (no dessert plate and no dessert utensils are needed).
vii. However, whipped cream is not sprayed on top of the pie. The daddy spurts it on the mommy’s breasts.
viii. The daddy feeds the mommy the pie by scooping the pie with his finger and mouth, then licks the whipped cream before serving it straight to the mommy’s mouth.
ix. Both the daddy’s mouth and the mommy’s savor the pie while their mouths are fastened.
x. The pie is consumed noisily and very messy this way.
10. That my daddy and my mommy are most thankful for each other. After their 3rd dessert in the bedroom (and a long shower after), they snuggled in the bed and whispered “I love yous” and “Thank Yous” to one another sweetly before falling asleep.
… And that, dear diary, is what I’m thankful for the most: LOVE!
I’m going to sleep now but I will tell you more next time.
The very loved,
Jella, the Robsten Cat!