LOVE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY!!!

LOCATION: “ISLE ESME”

Bill Condon:  *Eyes the couple; trying to decipher whether they’re serious or not*

Rob:  *Squares Shoulders*  “Ah, that’s doable, right?”

Kristen: *Nods* “I mean… it wouldn’t be that difficult, I don’t think.”

Rob:  *Smiles at his woman* “Oh, you’re absolutely right, babe.  The cameras just need to be set up strategically, that’s all.”

Kristen:  *Whispers something to Rob*

Rob:  *Grins, then kisses Kristen on the lips*

Rob & Kristen:  *Start giggling*

Bill Condon:  *Clears throat*  “Umm… YOU AREN’T KIDDING, ARE YOU?”

Rob:  *Reluctantly lets go of Kristen* “Bill, Kristen and I won’t be here at one o’clock in the morning if we’re only half serious.”

Kristen:  “A lot of thought went into this decision, actually.”

Bill Condon:  *Folds arms*  “Exactly how long ago did you, guys, come up with this idea.”

Rob:  “Pfft… Since we, um, first read the script for Braking Dawn.” *Looks away but with impish smile on his face*

Kristen: *Sniggers along with Rob*

Bill Condon: *Exhales*  “And you’re both sure this will work?”

Rob & Kristen:  *Nod enthusiastically*

Bill Condon:  *Creases forehead*  “If, um, you don’t mind my asking, Rob… Kristen… How do you know this is going to work?”

Rob: *Beams with pride*  “Because, Bill… Kristen and I have already tried and tested it!  And it worked like a dream!”

Kristen:  “But, um, we can’t show you… the, um… you know…the---” *Coughs* “That’s way too private.”

Bill Condon:  *Stares at Rob and Kristen*  SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT… YOU WANT TO DO THE SEX SCENE --- THE, UM, PILLOW-BITING/FEATHER SCENE --- BY…”  *Squints Eyes* “BY YOURSELVES?”

Rob & Kristen:  “YES!!!”

Bill Condon:  “AND ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS STRATEGICALLY SET UP THE CAMERAS AROUND THE BEDROOM…”

Rob:  “And I assure you, the outcome will be, without a doubt, AH-MAZING!!!”

Bill Condon:  *Glares at Rob* “And how do you know that?”

Kristen:  *Speaks Firmly*  “Because we’ve tried it several times! It worked like magic.”

Rob:  “Well, we have the tapes if you want proof!”

Kristen: *Speaks hesitantly*  “Well, uh, if… if that’s necessary… I guess that’s okay.”

Bill Condon:  *Wide Eyes*  “LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT…YOU WANT ME TO WATCH YOUR SEX TAPES?!?”

Rob & Kristen:  NO!!!

Bill Condon:  *Stares disbelievingly at Rob and Kristen*  “So…”

Kristen:  “Well… I mean… Um… We kinda “re-enacted” *Air quotes* “the pillow biting scene… we… we were…”

Rob:  “AUTHENTIC!”

Kristen:  *Kisses Rob*  “Thanks, Babe.  That’s the word I was looking for.”

Bill Condon:  “SO, YOU WERE NAKED?”

Rob:  “Like I said… Authentic!”

Kristen:  “It’s for the sake of the movie!”

Rob:  “I’m sure our fans will be thrilled to see Edward and Bella finally express their undying love for each other in an intimate, AUTHENTIC, way!”

Bill Condon:  “And do you plan to do “it” without my direction?”

Rob:  “Oh, no! You’re the director, Bill!  Of course we’ll listen to your instructions.  But it’s going to be easy, we promise!!! You review the tapes once we’re done acting out the scene… according to the script, of course…” *Smiles wider*  “Um, and, you’ll know because we’ll let you in… after, that is… and, if you think we didn’t do it right, then, you tell us where to tweak it; which angle to go for and all that stuff, then Kristen and I will re-take the scene…until we get it right!”

Bill Condon:  *Sighs*  “Rob… Kristen… I don’t think this has ever been done before.  And I mean ever!”

Rob:  “There’s a first time for everything, Bill!”

Bill Condon:  “I don’t think…”

Kristen:  “Can we at least try?  Can you give us a chance to show you?”

Bill Condon:  “But why, in the world, would you like to shoot this scene by yourselves?  Why?  I mean, it’s not like you’re going to actually make love…”

Rob:  “Um… Go back a second…”

Bill Condon:  *Eyes bulging*  “WHEN YOU SAY AUTHENTIC…”

Rob:  “WE MEAN IT IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD!!!”

Bill Condon:  *Gasps!*  “Rob---”

Rob:  “Well, I’ll be hovering Kristen anyway and we’ll be under a white thin, sheet… so we can keep it PG13, promise!”

Bill Condon:  “You know you will both be wearing modesty patches!”

Rob:  “WHAT?!? OH, HELL NO!!!”

Kristen:  “But why?”

Bill Condon:  “Because….”  *Stops, then sighs again*  “Okay… Let’s do this…  No more than 3 crew members in the room… NO MODESTY PATCH… And I’m giving you 2 days-off… So you can do… well, whatever you want to do while you’re here… IN PARADISE!”

Rob:  *Brows creasing* “Oh… Um…”

Kristen:  *Smiles widely*  “Deal!”

Bill Condon:  *Clasps hands*  “Okay then!  That takes care of everything!  So… Call time tomorrow is 8am… It’s 2am and I need to sleep!  And I suggest you, should, catch a few hours of sleep!”

Rob:  “Kristen and I don’t sleep right away… We---”

Kristen:  *Pinches Rob’s side*  “Babe!!!”

Rob:  *Shuts his mouth up but winks at Bill*

*Kristen took Rob’s hand.  Both, stand up, and wave goodbye and goodnight.*

Bill Condon:  *NOW ALONE IN HIS ROOM, STARING AT THE DOOR, quite incredulous… Pinches himself , then mutters* “WELL, I’LL BE DAMNED!”