SHOOTING “INCIDENTS:”
(SEX SCENE: PILLOW-BITING/FEATHER)
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Rob: “So, in order to break the headboard, I have to really pound on Kristen, like really hard, while holding on to it.”
Bill: “NO!!!”
Kristen: “YES!!!”
Bill: “Cut!” *Looks at Rob* “Rob... You don’t… You don’t… You don’t do that!”
Rob: *Looks innocently at Bill* “Don’t do what, Bill?”
Bill: “You… You don’t go under the sheet, then slide down… I mean… It’s obvious what you’re doing. We can see your head going down THERE!”
Rob: “But this is a love scene... Our honeymoon! We’re having sex the first time! Foreplay is a must!”
Bill: *Sighs* In real life, yes! But again, Rob… This is not your honeymoon. This is not real. We’re shooting a scene. And again… please… let’s stick to the script!”
Rob: *Confused* “This is not real?”
Bill: “NO!”
Rob: *Narrows eyes* “Really? Now tell me this! Why, then, am I sporting a fuckin’ hard on?!?”
Bill: “WHAT?!?” *Eyes grow big* “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR MODESTY PATCH?”
Kristen: “I can answer that!”
Bill: *Hands on Hips* “Well?”
Kristen: “It gets in the way!”
Bill: “That's exactly what it’s supposed to do! So where is it!”
Kristen: “It’s gone!”
Bill: *Shakes head* “Then what has been preventing Rob to, um… you know…" *Blushes* "... to 'make contact' these past couple of hours!”
Rob: *Grins widely*
Kristen: *Giggles*
Bill: “OH, MY GOD!!!”
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Bill: "NOW BITE THE PILLOW ROB.... THE PILLOW!!!... NOT KRISTEN!!!! CUT! CUT!"
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BC: “What? What happened to your pasties, Kristen?”
Rob: *Smirks then mumbles* “They’re in my mouth!”
Bill: "Kristen, I know it's hard, but can you not moan Rob's name, please?"
Rob: "AND WHY NOT?"
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Bill: "Rob, the feathers can't hide what you're trying to do there; so please, let's stick to the script. Hands on the headboard, Rob!"
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Rob: "OK, Bill...Now that we shot how Edward & Bella consummate their marriage; can we, like, shoot how Kristen & I do ours, please?"
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SM: “Bill, I think the love scene is too hot. We need to tone it down.”
Rob: “OH, HELL NO! We’re not doing any toning down again!!!” *Thinks to self: No more cockblocking, Stephanie!*
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Bill to The Crew: “We’re shooting in the bedroom. Why are you all here?”
Crew: “Rob took the feathers, then, locked us out!”
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Bill: "Kristen. You're supposed to be UNDER Rob. NOT OVER!"
Rob: "That's fine! I like it this way!"
Bill: "UNDER. NOT OVER. NOW!!!"
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Bill: "Rob, let's talk about ur scenes with Tanya!"
Kristen: "Why? The Volturi killed her!"
Bill: "That wasn't her, Kristen."
Kristen: “IT WAS HER!"
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No more cockblocking, Stephanie! LMAO that was hilarious
ReplyDeleteate ofie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe... i kept on laughing while reading and rereading this... :D you're the best...made my day <3<3<3
ReplyDeleteahhhh ofie, it's so funny....
ReplyDeletereally, poor u, bill!!! ROFL
this is SUPER!!LOL!!i cant stop reading and laughing in the same time,poor Bill bwahahahaa
ReplyDeletegood job Ofie :DD:DD:DD
I love this so effing much! Hilarious! Moar please!
ReplyDeleteHey, I just found out about your blog today..yeah, poor me. lol. I really love it ^^
ReplyDeleteAnd for this post, poor Mr. Condon has to deal with that :))))