Tuesday, January 18, 2011

"Daddy almost gave me a nervous breakdown because of Garfield!" - Jella Stewart-Pattinson

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This is for entertainment purposes only.  Fiction, that is - Tee-hee!!!
No copyright infringement intended.  Promise!  
It's just my love for RobSten... and Yeah... this love is for life!
Dear Diary,

Hi.  It’s me again.  I just have to tell somebody the nervous breakdown I’ve almost had this weekend.  I have no other choice than to write to you because every time I open my mouth to talk, words don’t come out.  Believe me; my meowing annoys me to hell sometimes.  Of course mom and dad think it’s cute.  Yeah, yeah.  They adore me.  But that, too, could be annoying when they’re cooing, making faces, while I was being serious, trying to convey my thoughts!

You see, dear D., my dad worried me to hell, and let me tell you why.

Last Sunday, when daddy came home from that thing he attended, the golden globe or something, he was actually smiling. 

“Baby, I made new friends!”  Daddy told mommy excitedly, like a little boy coming home from his first day at school.  Of course, mom, being the doting “wife”, encouraged him.   “Oh, baby, that’s great!”  Then, dad went on and on telling mom - who listened like dad was telling her the best news ever!  While, I, their cat-son, was bored out of my wits – who he’d met and made friends with.

“I met Andrew Garfield… you know Andrew, the spider man!”

Now, that caught my attention!  Why?  Daddy made friends with Garfield? I mean, am I not enough?  I’m a cat for crying out loud.  Is Daddy replacing me with Garfield, even giving him a first name! What the hell?  First of all, I was here first.  I know that one day soon Mom and Dad will produce little Robs or Kristens or both.  It took me a while to accept that but I did and I’m even excited to meet my human siblings one day… soon!  Now Dad wants Andrew Garfield?

But then again, I knew how much my parents love me.  I feel it everyday, even while they’re away.  We have that strong bond or connection.  So I calmed down and eavesdropped some more.

“He’s actually excited about being a spider man!”  Dad told mom.

Oh my lordy!  Garfield as Spiderman?!? This is bad… really bad!  Now he’s a superhero!  All I know is that Garfield is a lazy-ass cat.  When did he become this righteous?

“Imagine if Garfield was one of the vampires?” Mom said laughing.

Jessus-effing-krayst!  It was too much to take in.  My own mother thought of bringing Andrew Garfield to work and make him one of the vampires!  It hurt so much.

 “Do you remember how he looks like?”  Dad asked mom.  Mom said she wasn’t sure; so dad turned the computer on and googled Andrew Garfield.  I just had to see who I was competing against.  I needed to protect my rights and territory.  I was not going to give up my throne.  Uh-uh! Never! Evah!

I took a peek at the screen and my worries immediately evaporated.  Tee-hee!  It wasn’t the Garfield I know.  Thank goodness for that.  Andrew was a human Garfield!!!

“He’s cute,” mommy said, giggling.

Daddy’s eyes narrowed.  Right there and then, my worry returned.  Ah-oh!  Dad’s a changed man but jealousy isn’t something that he could get rid of in, like, immediately or forever!

Mommy smirked, then kissed dad on the lips.  “But you’re cuter, honey… Much, much cuter!”

Daddy still wasn’t happy; so mommy sat on daddy’s lap and kissed him some more.

Daddy wasn’t giving in too easily.

“Aww, sweetie… You know I love only you!”  Mommy’s hands started to wander.

Daddy smiled a little.

“You have a little fever,” my mom whispered.  “Let me take care of that, too.”

“I want my NurseBaby!”  Daddy demanded with a glint in his eyes.

Mommy stood up, shaking her robust butt that made daddy growl.

“By the way, Babe, Andrew asked about you.”  Daddy said while he unbuttoned his shirt.

“What did you tell him?”  Mommy removed her robe and revealed her NurseBaby costume.

 Daddy choked.  I thought he was going to cry but he managed to give mommy a response.  “I told him…” daddy began to say as he walked closer to mommy; dropping small kisses on her neck “…Kristen is fine.”  Daddy’s hands were, then, massaging mommy’s butt cheeks.  Daddy is in love with those cheeks, I tell you. 

“And what else did you tell him?”  I knew where that sultry voice was leading to.  So, I walked conspicuously towards my corner.

“I said, ‘my baby’s at home waiting for me so I can’t stay up late tonight.’”  I looked back and like magic, daddy was already naked.

“U-huh?”  At that point I don’t know where mommy’s head went.  I could see her kneeling on the floor doing what, I don’t know.  Maybe daddy has a boo-boo on his crotch.  He was under the weather after all.  I don’t know what that means really.  If anything, mommy’s the one under the… Um… under daddy… that is!

And just like that they forgot they were talking about Garfield, to my satisfaction. 

“I need my NurseBaby to take care of me now.”  Then there was a loud groan.

“You have pain here, baby?”  Mommy asked, but her mouth was full.  I couldn’t see what she was eating though.  Cake maybe… or sausage… or hotdog… I didn’t see her cook anything so it must be leftovers.  I wasn’t sure.

Daddy moaned louder.  “Yes, right there…”

How my dad managed to twist my mom like is still a mystery to me.  Daddy’s head was there while mom’s on the opposite direction… then Daddy bent her there, then twist… then another… It’s real work!   How could that be called healing?  My parents are really strange.  Then I remembered a video I once watched with mommy. Yoga!  I think that's what it was.  I heard yoga is good for the body.  Maybe mommy’s yoga will heal daddy.  She’s great like that, you know, dear D. 

Well, I gotta give it to my parents because after that tiring yoga routine, which they did twice or three times; they really did perspire… A lot!  And the heater was not even on.  Daddy felt so much better and happier.  He couldn’t stop smiling.  Mommy should be proud of herself.  She really is an excellent NurseBaby!  Daddy whispered hundred “I love yous” to mommy that made mommy giggle so much.  The giggling turned into tickling, then to chasing & screaming around the living room, then to the kitchen, and then to the bedroom.  I can’t tell you how long mom and dad chased each other or did yoga for that matter coz I fell asleep… the sun was already rising then… But eventually, they called it a night (or day, whatever).

So, I’m back at my grandparents’ house now.  Mom and Dad flew to Baton Rouge.  I miss them already but knowing that they have each other eases all my worries.  Dad will always take care of mom.  Mom will always take care of dad.  "That’s love," my GrandmaStew and GrandmaPattz say it all the time.  And I concur. 
I’m okay now.  I’m not worried about Andrew Garfield anymore.  I’m actually glad that dad had a new friend.

Well… I don’t know what Uncle Tom thinks! 

Until then, 

Jella, RobSten’s Wonder Cat!


  1. haha LOL at Jella saying "So Andrew was a human Garfield!" haha Jella is really really cute for eavesdropping and lurking lol:)..and ehem naughty naughty NurseBabyMom and Dad LOL wink wink:)

  2. haha, oh my god, this is crazy :D 'I have no other choice than to write to you because every time I open my mouth to talk, words don’t come out. Believe me; my meowing annoys me to hell sometimes.' Jella is the best :) Thanks for make me laughing :D