Saturday, January 22, 2011

"The Vampire-Witnesses, Witnessed Such Phenomenon!!!"

Scene:  Vampire-Witnesses coming forward, sharing accounts of what they’ve witnessed…

Bill:  *Speaking loudly*  “Okay, team, this is it!!!  The Cullens have summoned you as witnesses to such wonder!!!  Witnesses to a phenomenon beyond your wildest imagination!!!  Show your surprise in words, delivery, gesture, and facial expression.”  *Counts*  “ACTION!!!”

Vamp#1:  “I was thinking… did she just…” *Eyes widening*  “No… that couldn’t be possible!”

Vamp#2:  “Those eyes…”

Vamp#3:  “Such intense eyes!  The way they gaze were filled with so much love and devotion.  I’ve never seen anything so precious…”

Vamp#1:  “I know!!!  I thought it’s just for the show… But it’s there...  So apparent… So tender, it melts my heart the way the winter sun melts the snow.”

 Bill:  *Frowns & thinking:  What the hell is going on?*  “CUT!!!”

Vamps: “Oh, did we suck?”

Bill:  *Frowns*  “Actually, everything was great… but let’s stick to the script, okay.  Please don’t change your lines.  If you do forget though, when you adlib, make sure it’s close to the script!”  *Sighs*  “Let’s go back…”

Vamps:  “So we can adlib?”

Bill:  “Like I said…”  *Counts*  “ACTION!!!”

Vamp#1:  “And did you notice how she grows on you?”

Vamp#2:  “Such a sweet, sweet girl.”

Vamp#3:  “Always touching him… worrying about him… making sure he has water, snack, and all…”

Bill:  *Thinking: What is going on?... Continues to roll*

Vamp#4:   “Witnessing how much love they have for each other is a defining experience for me.  I’ve learned a lot from them.”

Vamp#1:  “The way they love each other is effortless… So natural… They were carved from the same bark of tree by the same carver… or whatever… you know what I mean.  They are just that in love!  They’re always waiting for each other… When she has to go to the bathroom, he follows… not because he didn’t believe her… but because he just can’t be without her… that to him, that’s that most natural thing to do… and she shows her appreciation… whispering to him… walking beside him…. Holding his hand…”  *sighs dreamily* “And when it’s him who needs to go elsewhere, she assures him without saying a word, just by her touch, her smile, the glint in her eyes, that she’ll be there when he returns.”

Vamp#2:  “They make it work!  There are just people who are meant to be that in love with each other.  Even when they disagree, you still see the love radiating through their eyes and actions.  They’re just incredibly into each other.  They are soul mates!  What else can I say?”

Bill:  “The hell?  Cut! Cut! Cut!  What is going on?”

Vamp#3:  *Squints eyes*  “Giving you what you asked for!!! Sharing what we’ve witnessed so far!  That’s what you asked for, right?  And that’s exactly what we’re giving you, Bill!”  *Tilts head*  “You said, and I quote, “You are witnesses to such wonder!!!  Witnesses to a phenomenon beyond your wildest imagination!!!””  

Bill:  *Confused*  “Is that… I mean…”  *Shakes head*  “Wait… Witnessed what?”

Vamp#4:  “Robert and Kristen’s love for each other!!!

Bill:  *Stares at the WITNESSES*  “W-What?”

Vamp#2:  “Rob and Kristen’s real score!  We concur that what they have is a wonder!  A phenomenon!!!  Such love…” *Embraces Bill*

Bill:  “No!!!  You are Renesemee’s witnesses!!!”

Vamp#3:  “Oh, you mean the hybrid vampire-human child!  You confused us there.  When you said phenomenon…”

Bill:  *Coughs* “I know… I know…”  *Coughs some more*  “My bad…Let’s go back… and let me make it clear…. You are Renesmee’s witnesses.  Stick to the script this time, folks!  No adlibbing!!!

Vamps:  “Don’t worry, Bill.  We’ve memorized our lines to the dot!”

Bill:  “THANK YOU!!!”

Rob & Kristen:  *Entering the set, holding hands, smiling sweetly*

Crew:  *Giggling*  “Rob, Kristen… You have great witnesses!”

Rob & Kristen:  *Look at each other, then at the crew*  “Huh?”


*No copyright infringement intended*


  1. Great witnesses. They see what we see, unmistakable, undeniable, true love. But, poor Bill, what can you do when a force as strong as Robsten love is around. Love your blog Ofie.

  2. haha lol Bill Condon an Oscar winning writer and director will never ever forget Breaking Dawn will be his most unforgettable movie of all time because of the "headache" the Robsten phenomenon had caused him LOL although i guess he's beginning to love the "headache" lol !!! love your blog too ate ofie:)

  3. Love like theirs is the 8th wonder; the first in my list though! Yeeey!

    Thanks cutiestar and sollee for your comments!