Sunday, January 16, 2011

"My Parents are harboring some secrets!" - Jella Stewart-Pattinson

Dear Diary,

Sorry, I haven’t been writing to you.  But worry not coz I’m here.  Let me tell you, my dear friend, I am a happy Jella.  I have been for days!  Why?  Well, Mom and Dad are home!  Yipeee!!! After weeks and weeks of waiting, they’re finally home.  
Let me tell you something though… There’s something different about them.   My parents, Rob & Kristen, are like - I don’t know - Zen-calm, and that’s the word I'm looking for, I think.  Like they've finally found what they're looking for.  Probably their love has grown ten folds or more, if that's even  possible.  It's like, what they have could protect them from intrigues, rumors, challenges, and anything that life throws at them.  They are more comfortable and secure.  So much more in love!  They’re just… peaceful.  

They’re like mirrors, synchronizing, coordinating… always smiling sheepishly at each other, like they have a secret they refuse to share to anyone… yet! 

It bugs me. 

I miss the, “That guy was looking at you, Kristen!” or the Oh, yeah, and how about that girl eye-fucking you?”  Then, the clothes-tearing and screaming after that… 

Once I got used to it, I found it rather fascinating… entertaining.  The sound they make has a life of its own!  Then the giggles after… Then more screaming… I guess it’s how my parents familiarize themselves with their environment, with our home, after being away for a while.  Yeah, it takes at least 24 hours of that ritual to happen before they get up again to do anything… something!

So, this time is quite different.  Just like yesterday, the phone rang and Dad picked it up.  It was for Mommy.  A guy!  Instead of Daddy whispering, “It’s a fucking guy.  Who the hell is that?”  Dad actually said, “Kristen, sweetheart, there’s a guy on the phone for you.”  I was stunned.  It floored me.  So, I thought that since Dad’s a changed man, there’ll be no more aggressive interaction after that phone call.  I was wrong. 

After mom’s phone call, she turned to Dad and whispered, “You’re fucking amazing, baby!”  Then, mommy shoved dad on the couch, quite hard actually, which only made daddy giggle for some reason; pulled her shirt off (it’s daddy’s shirt; the one he wore just recently, the cream-colored long-sleeved shirt); then pulled daddy’s shirt; sat on daddy’s crotch and just like always, mommy and daddy did this wild, violent-like moves, with their mouth, hands, hips…making their usual grunts, moans, and groans; while grinding, sucking, shoving, scratching, bending, twisting… and all the stuff they’re so expert at… It’s like they know each other’s body more than their own.  (Yeah, I know this not because I’m a smart cat… but because I heard them say that all the time… while moaning, that is!).  “You fucking feel better than heaven, baby!”  Dad screamed.  “Harder, baby, and I’ll show you heaven!”  Mom responded.  What’s with them wanting heaven?  Heaven’s just clouds up in the sky; and you can see that when you’re in an airplane, flying... and my parents do fly a lot!

Like I said, there’s something different about them.  This thing makes me somewhat peaceful, too.  I feel totally assured of my future with them and of their future together as a couple; as husband and wife; as parents; as Rob and Kristen to each other… Well, you get my drift.

Dad had work the other day for his other film, “Water for Elephants.”  While he’s at work, Mom did the laundry, cleaned, cooked, baked, caught-up with Grandma & Grandpa Stew, with my uncles, and some of her friends.  Dad called mom, too on his breaks.  I knew when it was dad on the phone.  There’s this smile on mom’s face that only daddy could bring out.  Mommy giggled and whispered, “Oh, Rob,” and “Oh, baby,” and “Really, sweetie” and “You naughty boy, I’ll just have to straighten you up when you get home!”   Daddy must have done something terribly bad for mommy to punish him! 

Then, daddy sent a photo of him carrying a baby.  “Oh, baby, he’s so cute!”  Mommy cooed; like she meant it!  Well, she probably did.  I was the one who didn’t find that cute… at all!

When daddy came home, the weirdness continued.  Mom was waiting by door for him with a smile on her face and dad has the same smile on his face as well.  Instead of the usual… You know, mommy jumping on daddy… Well, mommy and daddy stared at each other, smiling like crazy fools, happy and content.  “Hi,” they both whispered at the same time, and then they’re all over each other.  Weird!  Before, they’re all over each other before they say, “hi.” 

No, don’t get me wrong, dear diary.  The passion has elevated by a dozen steps, believe me.  I know!  Just this morning, I saw and heard just how much they are truly in love with each other.  They made love intimately and slowly and long… very long… just loving each other… touching… whispering… making promises… and there were tears… and lots of smiles… I, too, cried like… well, like a cat, really… meowed to be accurate!

Hmm… I wonder what brought this weirdness and change in them.  What secret could they be harboring now?  Will the world be surprised?  Will I be stunned?  Will my GrandparentsStew and GrandparentsPattinson be happier when they’ll finally hear the “news?”  Will RobSteners all over the world hold a RobSten Epic Holiday to commemorate the announcement of my parents secret?  So many possibilities… Or will my parents keep it to themselves for a while…  I know of a secret they’re keeping which I could not tell you… Some speculate… But I will keep my whiskers innocent by hiding their secret as well.  I’m their cat-son and I should be as quiet as they are… Well, with the secret I mean.  They’re never quiet when they’re into each other… when they’re doing their “feeding” ritual.   

Wait a minute… I once caught them doing “it” by the laundry room while their guests were having fun in the living room… And they were actually quiet that time… they hissed, breathed hard, like they’re on treadmill running 100 miles an hour; then laughed nervously when they were almost got caught!  Ah, they were so much happier after that though.

I also find it rather annoying that my parents are uttering the words, “our baby” or “our son” or “our daughter” more often now.  I think being parents (with a human child—not just me) in Breaking Dawn had sparked this idea that they should start their future as parents as soon as possible.  I’m afraid this future is just right around the corner.  I know I will be happy with my human brother or sister (although I’m not so happy with my fictitious siblings).

Tonight, Daddy will be presenting at the Golden Globe Awards.  “You will look so amazing in that tux, baby!”  My mom assured my dad.  See, daddy hates wearing those kinds of clothing.  “You will be admired by everyone!”  Mommy’s right of course.  Then, she remembered something.  “Fuck, more girls are going to fall in love with you! Fuck me to hell!  Ugh, I think I’ll just work you up until you’re too tired to get up that you won’t make it tonight!”  Ha!  Mommy has the best ideas.  Ever!  I thought daddy’s gonna refuse mommy.  But, hello!  Daddy smiled from ear to ear, pulled mommy to him ever so tightly, then, ravish her!  Ravished her so hard I thought mommy’s gonna break.  The grumbling sounds they made reverberated against the walls; I thought there was a fucking earthquake!!!  (Yeah, I know some French words, too!  So what? My parents say it a lot!).

There’s a nice dress, actually two, hanging in mom’s closet, a white one and a black one… One is short and the other is long; but both are nice and sexy.  I don’t know when she’s going to wear those.  But you know what I think, dear diary?  I think that those nice dresses will match my dad’s tux perfectly!  I hope mommy gets to wear those soon.  Daddy's gonna adore her.  He really does love my mom... very much!  Mommy loves my daddy just as much.  She cries a lot when he's away.  Please don't tell mom I told you.  That's supposed to be her secret.  She would clutch her phone to her heart after she talks to daddy, then weep while calling my dad's name.  "Rob, baby, I miss you.  Come home, soon.  Be safe, sweetie" she'd say over and over, until she falls asleep. 

Well, right now, my parents are… Hmm… they were just here a minute ago watching TV… where did they go?  Wait… the water’s running… Daddy’s probably in the shower… What’s that sound… Mommy?  Daddy?  Oh… Owwwwww…It’s bath time! I love it when my parents give each other a bath because I know that makes them very happy.  Their eyes glint differently after their bath.  When my parents are happy, I’m happy as well.  That’s probably why I’m always happy. Hmm… something to ponder on.

Anyway, bath time takes forever so I’ll just take a nap.  Hopefully when I wake up I will share with you some stuff about me, my parents and life in general.  I’ll even tell you a secret or two if I’m up to it.  Where’s that ear plug!!! My parents are loud so I’ll go find a secluded place so I can nap properly.

Until next time.

The cat that everyone wants to be,


Me.  Jella.


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This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.  Promise!  
It's just my love for RobSten... and Yeah... this is for life!




  1. Hmmm....I recognize the ring on Jella's picture hehe!

    Like always, make this fandom more entertaining hahahaha!!!

  2. haha :D okay, now we know why rob looks tired at the golden globe rehearsal ;)
    thank you :) Jella is so funny :D I can't wait for the secret to come out ;)

  3. Lol, indeed, everyone wants to be Jella.